2009

hey everyone. look - i didn't wait a year to post again. go me. since i don't think i'm going to get to a 2009 yearbook via home movie, i thought i would post some of my favorite things here - like a playlist and other cool stuff i did.
check it.

playlist 2009
[as usual, not always released in 09, but it's what i listened to most]

furr by blitzen trapper
i'm coming out by diana ross
best of you [live from 'skin & bones'] by foo fighters
love long distance/'music for men' [the whole record] by the gossip
hold on hope by guided by voices
naked as we came by iron & wine
i'll be there by the jackson 5
absolute beginners by the jam
empire state of mind [feat. alicia keyes] by jay-z
rise up with fists!!! by jenny lewis & the watson twins
down to zero by joan armatrading
heartless by kanye west
relator by pete yorn & scarlett johansson
this tornado loves you/'middle cyclone' [the whole record] by neko case
sober by p!nk
mad world by tears for fears [thank you adam lambert for reminding us of this gem!]
this woman's work by kate bush
smile [live] by pearl jam
smooth criminal by michael jackson
alex chilton by the replacements
close call by rilo kiley
maps by the yeah, yeah, yeah's
girls just wanna have fun by starfu***er
paper planes by m.i.a.
welcome to england by tori amos
say hey (i love you) by michael franti & spearhead
i am by mary j blige
tardy for the party by kim zolciak - just kidding! if you don't know this one - see real housewives of atlanta - you won't regret it.

stuff i read 2009

the double bind by chris bohjalian
the great gatsby by f. scott fitzgerald
castle waiting by linda medley
the road by cormac mccarthy
100 bullets v. 1 by brian azzarello
anansi boys by neil gaiman
the dirt: confessions of the world's most notorious rock band by motley crue
water for elephants by sara gruen
twilight by stephanie meyers
sloppy firsts by meghan mccafferty
nick & norah's infinite playlist by rachel cohn
fables volumes 1-5 by bill willingham
kitchen confidential by anthony bourdain [actually i listened to it via audiobook]

stuff i saw 2009

survivor - samoa
project runway [until the end when irina won]
so you think you can dance [summer time edition]
better off ted
lost
breaking bad
modern family
hgtv - just the whole channel
pawn stars
hoarders
glee
weeds
real housewives of atlanta
where the wild things are
whip it
new moon
sunshine cleaning

caught in the act!

saw neko case last night at the crystal ballroom. need i say (again) how much i hate the venue? i managed to get :23 seconds of neko singing one of my all time favorites before getting caught by the ballroom police. view it below. don't blink...

as always, neko didn't disappoint. also, as i found with her last album fox confessor brings the flood, the new songs came more to life during the live show and i've already put middle cyclone on this morning. i'll tell you the number one problem i have with the crystal ballroom. the sound is not good. if you are not directly facing the stage or close enough to read lips, you can't really understand the talking. neko and her background singer are known for their silly banter and funny stories. it's part of the live experience. not at the crystal. so many of my favorite bands and artists play there because it really is the perfect sized venue for them. not as big as the schnitz or theatre in the clouds but not as small as the superior roseland or wonder ballroom experiences. as it is neko's playing two shows here so i suppose she could go a little bigger, but it would lose a lot of intimacy.
the nana's partied until a whopping 11:30 pm! we even walked down to voodoo doughnuts for a midnight snack. i ate this oreo doughnut that totally rocked my world. fantasia got two maple crawlers. she loves em! johnna? you guessed it, plain glazed. you can never go wrong with the basics. "the magic is in the hole" [the last edition of the amazing race made a stop at voodoo doughnuts.] i think the kids would love this place. i'm going to try and get them there while they visit.
can you believe that kris won american idol? i'm telling you, that kanye west song put him over the top. really great interpretation. adam will no doubt make something of himself. he is an amazing singer. so you think you can dance has picked it's top 20 and i can't wait for next week. fantasia loves it too so we have a standing wednesday night date for the show. anyone who wants to join us may. the more the merrier.
ok. run out to yr locally owned record shop and buy neko case's new record middle cyclone. and if neko is coming to yr town or anywhere within driving distance i highly recommend going. as always, thank me here later.

i heart summer tv

definitely my favorite summer program ... until my guilty pleasure big brother starts...

kathy griffin: my life on the d list has to be one of the funniest shows on television. the first 2 seasons were the funniest but she still kills it. i love this picture of her trying to get photographed by the paparazzi. hilarious.

tv & life ... no, just tv

two of my favorite reality shows came to an end last week, america's next top model and survivor. my, my where to begin...
top model was a serious bust for me this season. i never really connected with any of the girls and i didn't think any of them were successful. to my dismay i did like finalist alison (and i think she got shafted for the win!) and blondie, uh, whatsername. the one who always looked hot at the panel but was too old at 25? i can't think of her name and am too lazy to look for it. it'll come to me - when it does i'll just holler it out. a few cycles ago, my brother-in-law made a comment- something like "if this was the pool of hot chicks in america, we're in trouble." it couldn't have been more true in this season. although tyra did manage to sneak in smiling with her eyes and pointing out those that did in their photos; miss j wore the ridiculous bow tie that got bigger with every elimination; nigel was able to finagle 2 (count them, 2) photo shoots, mr. jay was a shade darker of orange and paulina became a bigger bitch - this cycle was a weekly crap fest. i will have forgotten about it by the next round. ding!
survivor on the other hand...great season. the countless blindsides (which really is the only way to eliminate players these days) were fantastic - especially brenden and tyson. haven't people learned that the second they get too cocky or secure that's when you go home. as for the finale, i can't believe steven and jt voted taj out at 4. there really was no reason - their reasoning was that taj could possibly beat them in the final immunity challenge were it endurance. even though there was an endurance challenge the week before. the last few seasons they've been doing more concentrating challenges - which after 39 days without regular meals, sleep and water is probably really quite hard. now, if taj had gone to the finals with steven (whom she said she would have taken with her to the end because they "promised") she would have killed him as jt did. if she went with jt it would have been close, but i still think jt would have won out, more like 4-3 instead of jt BLOWING OUT steven! he totally dug a hole for himself at the final tribal council where he was brutally honest, telling all their secrets and claiming he would have taken erinn to the final 2 with him instead of jt -- who he'd "promised." you aren't honest! you're still playing, you idiot! the final tribal council isn't about actually answering the questions at hand, it's about listening and figuring out what the jury wants to hear. steven, i think, played the game brilliantly up until the end. he lost it for himself with his horrible final 2 appearance. although, jt didn't do any better. they both tried to toss the other under the bus and were unsuccessful. i'm glad they remain friends. coach's lie detector test is bullshit. i don't believe this guy for one second. anyone would be a fool to think that was a real test. i want to see him taking the damn thing. you can make anything up on your computer these days. captured by amazonians. really? perhaps there were parts of the story that were true but i just can't believe him. and the "honesty" part of his "game"? i call bullshit again. he is so full of himself i can't get over it. oh, and could he have had more make-up on during the reunion? god. i can't believe they put up with him so long. i was done after 2 weeks of him (which constitutes about 6 days on the island), but 36 days? ugh. why did people hate sierra so? [CELIA!] haven't figured that one out either. she must have been just miserable off camera and got a decent edit.
american idol also comes to an end tomorrow. the polar opposites, kris & adam. adam is definitely more creative and has a classic rock and roll voice (i hate to say it, but when he sang "whole lotta love" i swooned and forgot about robert plant. just for a second...) i must say, though, kris impressed me with his kanye song last week. really, really great. he deserved to beat out danny for that spot. good work kris. let's see who brings it tonight boys. i don't care who wins. i like them both. plus i just want it to be over so we can have so you think you can dance! i love that show. hop on the hot tamale train, whoo-whoo!

ok.

i know it's been forever but i've been working a ton since half of rsq is sick and/or on vacation and jake is broken. i'm tired. i successfully pawned the end of my shift off to kaiya who, by doing that, just received a big withdrawl. i decided to help lesley by working her lunch shift - hostessing no less [that's how much i adore that lesley!] - and i have a regular serving shift on thursday nights but i just didn't want to do it. me and johna had a serious sugar high [anthony, you are no longer allowed to bring candy into this apartment!] and i was annoying my tables. i could tell. i already tried to pawn my shift off to rosey [he was going to some tranny gig...this is normal] and michael [he stayed up drinking 'til 4 am] unsuccessfully. i'm happy to say that michael had to pull the car over to puke on his way to my house to drop off johna and i got the night off! thanks kaiya. i had no interest in closing that restaurant. withdrawls and deposits are huge in the serving game. people who help are more likely to receive help when needed or wanted. those who don't (cough-michael) find it complicated to get help even when they legitimately need it. those of us who make lots of deposits oftentimes will punish said withdrawler by just saying "no" flat out. actually, we take great joy in it. we will swoon and tell each other. "guess what i just did? m**h**l is in the men's room puking and i said no, i wouldn't finish his shift!" "ha, ha. good one. i said no too. wanna meet me at billy ray's for a beer?" you know what happens when you withdrawl more than you've deposited. yep, your screwed.
top model spoiler below!!!!
i think alison was robbed! i thought she was going to be a hot mess on the runway but she worked it out. she was feirce! she smiled with her eyes! she did a little dance with miss j! she excelled in every photo shoot! she took their advice! this is the shy little girl who told the judges she liked blood! alison! i'm bummed. thoughts?
is anyone else following this farrah fawcet saga? wow. i've cried. i'm so grateful for her making that video. it's huge. i've been following it on the today show but i think i may watch the whole thing tonight. perhaps this exposure to the pains of cancer will move along a cure. hang in there farrah. we love ya! gosh, i wish my sister still had that satin farrah fawcet pillow.

a shout out to my mom and dad and their friends for the loss of their beloved barbie. a relatively young, healthy woman. if this doesn't remind us to live every day like it was our last i don't know. it's amazing how our family roles and dynamics change over time. there i was on the phone trying to support her the best i can from long distance - just like she's done for me over the last 8 years. now me and my sister are in charge of holding them up in their times of need. it's what they did/do for us. time.
peace.

merry christmas!

i saw this on perez this morning. i laughed out loud. we think she's all better. but she's not. she's still nuts. poor thing. perhaps she forgot her meds this morning. i know how i feel if i forget. eek! keep in mind that this was on march 24, 2009. listen closely around the :48 second mark.

---
quickly, holla back to tara from the biggest loser. she smoked all those fools - she pulled a 2 ton car with close to 300 pounds in it. awesome. and to think she almost let them break her. if she can gain some allies and keep herself in this game, tara will win. they would all be fools to keep her around. but i love tara, i'd love to see her win. maybe she'll win the second prize.

---
scully is acting so lovey with me right now that i fear she is going to steal my breath in my sleep tonight. i just wanted to let you all know should i wake to my breath stolen.

r.h.n.y.c.

i can't believe i just read one of the most profound books i've ever read and now i'm watching a real housewives of nyc marathon. really? last season i really enjoyed these ladies. i thought they were funny and not as super ridiculous as the orange county wives. but this season? they are all just a little bit catty. luann is out of her mind. she thinks she's an expert on etiquette and she's writing a book. meanwhile, she's trying to hush a crowd at a benefit (where she's being honored, of course) and then goes back to her table and continues to talk about how rude everyone is throughout the entire intro. the zinger? she was shocked that the woman giving the intro wasn't referring to her as "countess." she married a count (15 years her senior) and takes her "title" very seriously. it's hilarious. the episode where ramona tells luann that she thought her husband was twice her age was priceless. you can't script this stuff! alex and simon are the "white trash" snobs. her and her husband live in near squalor in brooklyn. their brownstone is a disaster - they're remodeling. they are living in a closet with their 2 obnoxious children. i think jill and bethany are the most human. the new "wife" kelly is ... well, i'm not sure why she's on this season. she's the ex of tyra banks photographer, the infamous jil bin simone. awesome. however, she is the most stuck up of them 5. ooohhh, next week is fashion week in new york! i can't wait.

words i couldn't conjure about the road

"there is an urgency to each page, and a raw emotional pull...making [the road] easily one of the most harrowing books you'll ever encounter...once opened, [it is] nearly impossible to put down; it is as if you must keep reading in order for the characters to stay alive...the road is a deeply imagined work and harrowing no matter what your politics." -bookforum

"devastating...mccarthy has never seemed more at home, more eloquent, than in the sere, postapocalyptic ash land of the road...extraordinarily lovely and sad...[a] masterpiece." -entertainment weekly.

* * * * *
it was hard to start this book because it's written in a very stream of conscience, non-punctuated manner that is hard to comprehend. once you do, the first review is spot on! i read 90 pages last night before bed for the very reason of making sure the boy and his father stay the good guys. and alive. it's told in short cryptic, concise paragraphs. it is punctuated with deeply philosophical ideas that really make me feel a pit and a sense of urgency in my stomach. this is rare for me with books. please check this book out and we'll talk about it.

biggest loser spoiler!!!!

* * * * *
oh cathy from the biggest loser sacrificing herself for aubrey. i really admire that cathy. there is something about her that reminds me of my own mother. selfless. funny. adorable. approachable. way to go cathy - don't ever stop. kristin, come on girl! +1? my heart broke for her. the frustration and pressure is probably mounting now. tara too - she is starting to plateau i think. it's going to be harder and harder for her to lose weight. she looks amazing. kristin looks great too, but has more weight to lose than tara. the thing i love about the biggest loser is that everyone (well, sans vickie from last season) is there to lose weight and make their lives better and support each other. cathy knew aubrey would have a hard time at home with 5 kids and she did lose 5 pounds this week.

* * * * *
wait! there is a commercial for a "cleaner" called 30 seconds outdoor cleaner. it gets off moss and slimy stuff that collects over the winter. especially here in the damp pacific northwest. you just spray it on and rinse it off after 30 seconds and, voila! moss gone. what is this chemical? it's getting washed into our rivers and streams and could kill oceanic life and you know, us. don't use chemicals for this people! as sharon would exclaim, "IT'S TOXIC!" call me, i'll bring over the power washer and go to town. i power washed sharon's entire house, deck and porch last year. i also power washed my friends, andrea and jerry's deck! i also power washed the courtyard at my apartment! i'm thinking in a couple months it'll be time to do more power washing. i love that thing! it's amazingly satisfying. it's way better than sweeping or vacuuming. [1 C, 2 U's? i can never remember! spellcheck!] you get out the iPod, make a power washing playlist and go to town! sharon came out and brought me a cold beverage and a snack from time to time. and i was allowed bathroom breaks.

* * * * *
so go get the road. for reals, not for fakes.
also...
go get neko case's new record, middle cyclone. it's not her best by a long shot but it's catchy. she can't help it. plus she's on the hood of a 1967 mercury cougar - the car i learned to drive in and drove mostly through high school. we all cried the day it drove down the street. thanks for the memories, neko! oh, plus me and johna and jenn will be at the crystal when she comes to portland. i was hoping for a different venue, but it's the perfect mid-sized room for her.
poor natasha richardson! get well soon...

25

so you know that facebook is now just a place for us to do survey's and tell the world random things about ourselves. here is the 25 random things about me...

25. i rarely feed myself at home.
24. i fall down. a lot.
23. i moved to portland because i was so in to the riot grrrrl/diy/third wave feminism movements and portland seemed like ground zero.
22. i still adore sleater-kinney, the greatest rock and roll band ever.
21. i hate curry.
20. i miss my nephews and neice more than anything.
19. i have an entire story made up in my head about my neighbor and her 3 sexual partners. [our bedrooms butt up to one another and they all park right in front of my door. volvo, audi and explorer. one man, two women. i think i'm pretty spot on. explorer and her have just gotten a puppy together! what? volvo was just over last weekend ... THE ENTIRE WEEKEND! oh the drama at paxson court!]
18. i love to organize stuff. anything. making sure the cd's were all in the right place used to be a favorite - you know by artist and then within that artist, by year of record release. by last name or band name and numbered bands (i.e. 10.000 maniacs) first. right?
17. i count stairs. i thought this was ok until sharon told me it was a little ocd. yeah. probably. 28 stairs to the office (14 to the landing, 14 more to the top). 13 stairs to RSQ basement. 6 steps to sharon and diane's front door. i could go on. maybe it's a little ocd.
16. i don't think i'm ocd.
15. i've struggled with depression my entire live and i've been in therapy on and off for...wow, could it be 10 years? eeek! my most recent therapist, jamie, is the best.
14. don't tell anyone. i'm gay.
13. i have a mad crush on smarty pants rachel maddow.
12. i don't have that burning desire to have children. i don't suppose i ever will.
11. i've had a love/hate relationship with my cat going on 12 years. i love that cat and i have the scars to prove it!
10. i think in the next 8 years our world and way of life will change drastically - thanks to our new leader, president barack obama.9. i've wanted to learn the drums since i was a child.
8. i've attempted to start smoking cigarrettes because all of my friends did in college. it never took. it made me want to barf. i sure am glad now, as i've watched many of my friends struggle to quit.
7. if i'm home, the girls are loose and i'm in soft pants or pjs.
6. i was 3 shy of sending this to 25 people.
5.i have a fantasy basketball team called theTALLsocks and a fantasy football team called devilboyfeet. both suck.
4. i love the nba. basketball, sport of kings. i can geek out about basketball for a long time. i talk about it to people who don't give a shit. i can't help it. my friends are totally awesome as they just zone out and say "awesome, bear" and let me have my joy of spreading the good word!
3. i have an amazing relationship with my sister and my parents. my parents have been married for 40 years and were such awesome parents growing up. they really let me and my sister be our own people and god knows we couldn't be more different. but my parents celebrate our diversity and that makes me warm and fuzzy inside. i am in awe of my sister every time i'm at their house for a visit. i don't know how she does it. whenever i'm there i'm exhausted by the end of the day - and i'm just playing auntie!
2. my nickname, care bear, was given to me by the queen of nickname giving sharon. it morphed into bear shortly thereafter. i knew i was bear when i heard it hollered out to me on the street. it's just who i am now. i have my own call too thanks to diane!
1. i am deathly afraid of flying but dream of travel.

pretty random, huh? one that i left out was that i know the lyrics to, like, every song ever. i also sing without really knowing i'm doing it. sharon and di pointed it out to me whilst we were in bend together. they said i never stopped. i told them to just tell me to shut it.
ok, back to the topic. so yesterday i got the 25 influential records note. of course i had to...

1. 'i do not want what i haven't got' by sinead o'connor ...
2. 'rumors' by fleetwood mac ...
3. 'dig me out' by sleater-kinney ...
4. 'from the choirgirl hotel' by tori amos ...
5. 'blue' by joni mitchell ...
6. 'american idiot' by green day ...
7. 'lay it down' by cowboy junkies ...
8. 'car wheels on a gravel road' by lucinda williams ...
9. 'girlfriend' by matthew sweet ...
10. 'honey i'm homely!' by dance hall crashers ...
11. 'in my tribe' by 10.000 maniacs ...
12. 'stories from the city, stories from the sea' by pj harvey ...
13. 'madonna' by madonna ...
14. 'exile in guyville' by liz phair ...
15. 'music for the masses' by depeche mode ...
16. 'automatic for the people' by r.e.m. ...
17. 'ten' by pearl jam ...
18. 'the innocents' by erasure ...
19. 'pretty hate machine' by nine inch nails ...
20. 'the tigers have spoken [live]' by neko case ...
21. 'savage' by eurythmics ...
22. 'indigo girls' by the indigo girls ...
23. 'shooting rubberbands at the stars' by edie brickell & new bohemians ...
24. 'so' by peter gabriel ...
25. '99.9 farenheight [degrees]' by suzanne vega ...
honorable mentions:'our beloved revolutionary sweetheart' by camper van beethoven ... 'funeral' by the arcade fire ... 'rock steady' by no doubt ... 'medusa' by annie lennox ... 'recollection: the best of concrete blonde' by concrete blonde ... 'ophelia' by natalie merchant ... 'harmacy' by sebadoh ... 'little earthquakes' by tori amos ... 'louder than bombs' by the smiths

so, 2 people (you know who you are) busted my chops for having more than 25 records. look, i have 13.5 days of music on my iPod - how do you expect me to choose just 25? in re-reading my list i missed, at the very least, 'standing in the way of control' by the gossip, 'learning to crawl' by the pretenders, 'parallel lines' by blondie', 'the joshua tree' by U2 and 'flyer' by nanci griffith. i could go on. but i'll spare you.

so, carla lost top chef. i loved carla. i dug her from the beginning but never thought she would make it to the end. she's not the typical top chef contender. i thought she was so authentic. she said in the finale that she wanted to show another way to compete - to compete with love. and she totally did. she was never malicious and always grateful to win. she won on flavor and soul and comfort food. i'm sorry that she failed to show it in the finale. i think she could have beaten either men. i think she's better for not winning. way to go carla!

the real housewives of american idol

you know, american idol really knows how to suck up an hour. these elimination shows are crap. you know we could watch it in 10 minutes. hell, why don't they just post it online?
i am shocked and appalled that michael was either the top male vote getter or the 3rd most votes. michael over anoop? no!!! it's down to tatiana and daniel! oh my goodness! who will it be? i know there will be a round of commercials...paula thinks danny should go through. i agree because i can't take tatiana any longer. oh ryan - after the break! america voted ... danny! thank god! holla back. let's see how dramatic tatiana is ... yep, there she goes. bawling while danny sings. i love it. so, alexis and danny totally deserve it, but michael? i still don't like it.
i hope next week's hopefuls bring it cause this week was a bummer.
how do you all feel about the new emliminaton system? you know they are bringing back the wild card, right? these people aren't out...right?

do any of you watch the real housewives...series on bravo!? well, i love the new york wives, but i recently got sucked into a real housewives of atlanta marathon. whoa, these ladies are hard core mean and stuck up. wow. i'm still wondering what sheree means when she says in the credits that people are "intimidated by my success." is her success sucking her ex-husband dry of his millions? she doesn't work. she claims she's a "fashion designer" however, she doesn't sketch, sew or know anything about the industry (i think i know more from watching project runway). she dresses well so she thinks she's a fashion designer. sheree is also so full of herself i can't even look at her. kim is delusional thinking she's a country music star when she can't even sing. and when i say she can't sing, i totally mean it. her boyfriend got her a session with famous producer dallas austin and his face was priceless when she started singing. she also dropped $18,000 on her kid's 12th birthday party. it's like a punch to the gut isn't it? she's divorced (of course) and dating somebody, supposedly famous, she calls big poppa. i hate that she is using the notorious b.i.g.'s name in vain. deshawn is married to eric snow of the cleavland cavs. he's on the brink of retiring. deshawn also had a charity event in which she raised almost zero dollars. yikes. she seems like a nice woman, actually. same with her friend lisa. she's an nfl wife and she didn't have enough drama to get much air time. her husband has just been traded to the oakland raiders after an injury. lisa wishes he would stop playing all together. then there's nene (knee-knee). she's actually my favorite wife. she's hilarious and speaks the truth. she's totally in tune with how ridiculous kim and sheree are (they are all at odds - kim used to be bff's with nene, then there was a fight between nene and sheree and kim decided to be mad at nene so now kim is bff's with sheree and hates nene...oh, high society, eh?) so, she's dealing with those two idiots at the same time that someone in her family wrote her a letter that said that the man she thought was her father, curtis, isn't her father. nene's mother is dead so she can't confirm. so they did what anyone on maury would do, a paternity test. it was shocking to her however, nene's cool with it. i'm curious if these women will get together for a second season.
anyway. whew.

a.i.

the first night of american idol was truly disappointing. the highlights were alexis, tatiana and daniel. and even their performances weren't that great. i hope tomorrow night's singers can rip it up a little more than tonight. hey kara, you looked hot tonight for your debut on live television. kudos. paula looked especially bombed tonight. plus, she looked a little orange. was it just me?
jackie...i was disappointed with jackie's performance tonight. i think she'll go through because she's likable, but i thought it kinda sucked. and her trousers? i agree with simon. hideous.
alexis...this chick totally killed it tonight. i wasn't sure about her, but she won me over tonight. i hope she doesn't let this go to her head and screw up next time.
anoop...dawg! i think he chose the wrong song, but he was solid. i think he'll go through, no problem.
stevie...oh boy. she was a total hot mess. oh lord. at first i thought the mic wasn't working, but then i realized she was just sucking. poor thing. she looked like a deer in headlights about to be a hood ornament. to add insult to injury all 4 of the judges raked her over the coals. it was rough to hear. the song and the comments.
brent...mr. rough and tumble didn't deliver. boring. boring. zzzzzz. oh, boring. sorry dude. back to the home depot.
rick...this was the guy i thought was the guy whose wife died. it's not and now that i see him, he doesn't look like him at all. he was ok. the song was a little boring and randy, kara and paula fell over themselves telling him how great he was, but i agree with simon. he was good but not that good.
casey...first things first. i hate when people who choose to cover a song and then take the liberty of changing the pronouns. the song is called 'every little thing she does is magic.' having said that, that sucked casey. i felt like i was on a cruise ship. the reviews should be scathing. when paula starts with "you look beautiful tonight..." you know you're in trouble.
michael...well michael, it wasn't bad. but it wasn't great either. just a little boring. will someone wow me, please?! this is the guy paula loves. she always has one guy she champions for.
ann-marie...perhaps this is why i didn't remember her. no bueno.
stephen...no, no, no! this guy sucks. they never should have let him through. he can't remember his lyrics. he butchered 'rock with you'. really. it wasn't good.
tatiana...she would sing whitney houston. i love how she stares into the camera. she's just so...aware. will someone please ask her to replace her current lipstick with something a little less offensive. well...it wasn't horrible.
daniel...watch out for danny. i can't imagine he won't make it to the final 4. he's the type of contenstant they search for. a story, a good voice, he's cute in that heterosexual way. paula? *deep sigh*

the actual biggest loser

um, for all you biggest loser watchers out there, i think i need only say one name: joelle. this woman is completely delusional. she's like a sociopath - did you look in her eyes? nothing. it was actually a little bit shocking. i feel sorry for her. most people take that time on the ranch to really figure it all out, but this woman walked around the gym, watched everyone else work out, and was shocked that she only lost, oh, ZERO POUNDS! the group gave her so many chances because they loved her partner, carla. oh, i love carla too. [on a side note, carla is a missy elliott clone!] carla was the biggest girl they'd ever had on the show. she lost 25 lbs in 30 days all by herself - the most of any of the players that had been sent home. joelle stood there while everyone lost double digits all around her -- bob said he could feel the shame coming off of her. i don't believe it. she still, to this day, thinks she did her best. her and carla are no longer speaking to one another. i don't blame carla; i think she needs to get away from that woman if she wants to be successful. i bet carla will be in the running for second place. she was determined and i hope she kicks ass! as for joelle, i hope she loses weight for her own personal being, but i really hope that she realizes she needs some psychological help. and what so we have here? jillian with only 3 teams left, bob with 5. 2 blue teams were in the bottom 2 last night -- jillian produces winners, people. actually, i think all the winners have been jillian's. bob is adorable and awesome, but stats don't lie, folks. oh, have i mentioned i want to kiss jillian? oh, i have? sorry.
is the media and right wingers really busting president obama's balls because he chose 3 people for his cabinet that had some tax evasion problems? what? really? for the last 8 years our government stole from us, made billions of dollars at our expense and sank a trillion dollars into a war they manipulated us into! i mean it. i'm appalled.
what about my portland trailblazers? down 20? on the road? no problem. coming from behind and beating the new orleans hornets was quite a feat. it put them in sole possession of 4th place in the west. i know it's early for playoff hopes given we haven't even had the all-star break yet, but i think our guys need to feel that so they don't lose their drive. they want to win, they want to be in the post season. so do i. tonight, dallas. easily done. take care of them, guys. i'll be watching, of course. let's go blazers let's go!

louisville!

well, here we are in louisville. let's hope it's better than san francisco. there's always simon and cara.
...
do they all really need their own limos? uh, don't they know we're in a petrol crisis?

mariah carey songs should not be allowed. ever. i hate when mariah sings them. i can't understand why parents let their children embarrass themselves on national television. "they are looking for nerds and freaks." -tiffany

cara knows this chick, joanna. she was signed to a record label. 'we belong.' she's good. i bet she makes the top 12.

mark? serious backwoods kentucky. he's almost died 5 times! eek! he's the worst. don't mess with mudd ... he's scary. "be careful." paula didn't like it so much.

brent, at the very least has a great name! he's ok. i don't like that type of singing. paula and cara went down together. huh-huh. under the table. cara's smokin' hot dress with the hole to reveal cleavage? american idol has gotten way better this year.

toothbrush company employee? oooohhhh, 'somewhere over the rainbow'

matt has a very justin timberlake quality about him.

ross, i'm not sure you can learn to sing through chinese characters or mathematical equations. i can't wait to hear this...yep. just what i thought it might sound like. paula's face was priceless. he drank out of paula's straw. i guess we now know it's not vodka in there. was he a plant? thoughts.

another singing stay at home mom. they are hidden all over the burbs. whoa...i never would have thought that voice would have come out of that.

yikes, aaron, that took paula right out of her chair. hilarious! he's so cute, however. he's going to bring joy to some job somewhere.

rebecca, open your eyes, check your arm and see that the judges are giggling. yet another mother with kid muffs over their ears.

for tonight's sob story ... poverty. yeah, it sucks, i agree. but i have to say leneshe is lovely and sweet. let's hear it though. her own song - not bad. ok. i bought this sob story. i love her. she may make the top too.

19 to hollywood. god, let the hollywood round start soon. next week, jacksonville florida.

simonisms...

• tiffany? what song was that?
• that's not a gun, is it?
• for me it was a bit buster-ish
• is it me or is this show getting weirder this year
• that was so boring
• say goodbye
• i think you should do something in your life that involves shouting
• stop. quit singing.

a.i.s.f.

this was the worst of the auditions. only 12 through. they only showed a couple of the good singers, and even they weren't that great. this entry blows. i blame it on a.i.

...

this [longest pause ever] is american idol!

paula gone wild with the bedazzler!

tatiana, girl from puerto rico a plant? thoughts.
"if i have to outsing everyone, one by one, on the planet to get a record deal i will ... and i have."
of course paula likes her - she's crazy. like paula.

"the coat"

what about jesus? the kids helped. i think if he just sang instead of all those vocal gymnastics, we'd get somewhere.
cara, you're a sucker, but my crush lives on!

stick to the rubik's cube, dawg.

cara: give her your passion.
randy: she wants your baby.
[paula's face: priceless]

[fringe is still on?]

where are all the good singers? sf sucks! it's halfway through and it's been all sucky people. this has been the worst episode yet. plus, simon isn't quite as cheeky as usual.

people are just a little bit crazy aren't they? this woman, akilah from the o-town hood, is just not playing with a full deck. is she on drugs?
"i wanna sing the same song over i sang it in the wrong rectum."
wow. paula had to leave the room.
"they made me sound like one of those auditioners who couldn't sing."

uh-oh. please don't let tonight's splicer be "bohemian rhapsody." please. i don't think i could take it.

just a 1 minute montage of 3 people going to hollywood? come on, simon fuller.

adam might be cute enough to make it past the hollywood round.

they saved the sob story for last tonight. i can't decide if a mother's illness trumps that guy who's wife died. let's see how good he is. not bad. he's gonna have to step it up for the hollywood round.

no splicer tonight.

only 12 go through to hollywood. sf you suck.

tomorrow night, louisville.

simonisms...

• tatiana: i have a gift for you. simon: yes!
• are these quite naughty?
• she didn't get through on her vocals
• it was really really boring and i hate what you're wearing.
• the song is horrible, not you.
• ...too many parts of the body we don't want to know about.
• annie i'm gonna be honest with you. it was like you were drunk...i'm not talking 1 or 2 bottles. i'm talking a crate.

here ya go patty!

i've received a couple of comments about this part of the show. i agree that it's completely asinine. because these idiots come on thinking they can sing (or are planted there...you know it's true) it forces the judges to say the meanest things. you know what simon says you all agree with - it's just that he doesn't have a filter. supposedly they are making this part shorter and the hollywood part longer. also, they are bringing back the "wild card" - where each judge gets to bring back one eliminated contestent. i want to say they stopped that in the third season or so. this is fun so, i'll see you next week!

kansas city here we come!

will they ever give up the lame beginning? at least some of the faces are real now and not that creepy thing they had going before.

kansas city: home of last year's winner, david cook.

lime green babydoll, paula? really?

surrender the fantasy, chelsea. no bueno. ouch. stop. really. stop. please.

simon is absolutely smitten by casey! he can't stop smiling...

i already see a couple of people who will be "spliced in" tonight! i wonder what the big number will be?

the crying segment is genius! i loved every minute of it. come on, sister? patty? come on! i think i'm gonna watch it again!

castro's punk rock brother? thoughts?

"do you want a banana?"

jasmine "jazz. it's pretty much my name" joseph. i'm wondering if i need to elaborate?

i think 'over the rainbow' will be the splicer tonight.

"these are my crazy pills" that 93 year old woman was the star of this show.

i'm calling right now that jessica furney and the punk-y castro brother will make the top 12 or whatever.

"we're rappers." "why you try to steal my cookie from me" india dragged her sister, asia, to american idol because she knew she was good. asia made it. india didn't. sisterly love is awesome.

[cool. joss whedon's "dollhouse" is finally starting on february 13!]

oh. my. god. they are playing neko case's "train from kansas city"! neko. no. this is a sad day.

the sob story is sad, but this guy better be good. they don't care about the grief if you suck. uh-oh. music teacher. wow! me likey! i might have to add danny to that list with punk-y castro and jessica. that story will carry him to the top 12.

anoop-dog! hollaaaaaa! who woulda thought? "you got some crazy vocals jumpin off there!" - randy

rats! tonight's splicer, "sign, sealed, delivered"

andrew's cheerleaders were hysterical. those splits? eek! andrew singing "my girl" was, well, sort of hilarious. he's so gay!

i like asa barnes. he's so cute. he has a good aura. i like cara too. she's lookin' hot tonight in kansas city!

i can't watch the retarded guy - but i'm glad i saw simon's reaction to him when he walked in the room! was he a plant? thoughts?

why do people insist on continuing to sing after they tell them it sucks? why?

dennis. what about dennis? cara really likes him. i'm not sure. i don't think he'll make it past this first round. dennis' weave is growing out. time to cut that shit out dennis! tyra would be apalled.

they always save the best - er, worst - for last. mia conley. yep. she sucks. you know she's gonna cause a scene. she's still mumbling the song...stop - woa! no, stop. mia. girl. "god's gonna get you!" what does that mean?

wait, maybe they did save the best for last. lil rounds. yep. put her on the list. probably the best. she sounds like mary j. let's get crunk! randy agrees with me! i said it first, randy! i really like her. i loved the way her husband looked at her. very sweet.

some of my favorite simon-isms tonight:

you're a singing ryan seacrest aren't you?

let's just say goodbye

josh grobin? honestly brian

contestent: "can i try it again?" simon: "no"

well, let's just change blind to death and that song would make a lot of sense

not happy at all

it was terrible

it's a sorta bit geeky at the moment

it's like swimming in jello

no. no. no.

let's be clear. the first records you bought were paula's, yeah?

next stop: 6 more cities including new york and san francisco. see you then. cara? will you marry me?

american idol thoughts

it's that time of year again kids! american idol is back. all the buzz is about cara, the new judge. i have to tell you, i like her so far. the unfortunate thing is that she makes paula look really crazy because cara is normal. i'm going to blog while watching and see what happens.

***

what about that woman in the bikini who tried to tongue kiss ryan? doesn't she know he's gay?



sexual chocolate? i loved when simon said, "that's enough sexual."



uh, paula, are you trying to give randy a run with all these ridiculous glasses? this pair during the sexual chocolate segment were, like, amber vision.

"i used to teach myself to sing in my closet late at night. apparently there was a lot of mold in there. i ended up getting really sick. that was a fun story. i've missed a spanish test for this. it feels like if i don't do it that i'm going to get a b or probably worse. for nothing. that was a joke. but. um." [crickets]
when simon told alex that he'd just come out of the closet - that kid's face was priceless. his breath caught in his throat. but his voice? kinda ok. but gosh, this guy is a social retard.

what can you say about that guy with the bass of a voice?

i hate the new trend of making these poor people sing one song so they can splice it together and humiliate them. if they asked me to sing something after they've already told me i suck i'd be all, "no way! you're going to splice me in, i know it!"

a blind guy? wow, they are pulling out all the stops this year...he is good! awesome. a blind guy on idol? curious.

ryan, for future reference, you can't high five a blind guy without telling him your up for a high five.
"go high" - GOB bluth

tomorrow? kansas city! see you there...

really?

can we talk reality tv for a minute? mainly, the biggest loser. for the first time in loser history, someone is playing the game soley for the cash. vicky is a total bitch. i still can't understand her and heba's hatred of phillip. i thought phillip and amy were two of the nicest people on the show. i think they are just jealous that a kicked off amy and phillip have lost the most weight of anyone still in the game. i bet one of those two wins the second prize. for vicky to say that phillip was the only person not worthy of coming back in the game was just ugly and rude. i praise phillip for standing up for himself and amy, who chose to stay in her room and not engage which i thought was big and smart of her, and just point blank ask vicky why she was so mean. she, of course, couldn't really say. big ol heba just got in there and started saying he was a terrible person yada, yada, yada. both of these women have no real proof that phillip is a horrible person. seeing brady voted off this week was sweet justice. amy c made the right decision. first, since brady, vicky, ed and heba are all playing more or less for the cash they are 4 strong and amy was just a vote for them to get to the end. they would have cut her faster than you could shake a stick. second, vicky is gonna lose her shit. not counting that brady was a threat to win the competition so you can't blame amy c for chosing brady. amy can't be intimidated by the evil vicky - she was looking out for amy and did the right thing. i look forward to the demise of the rest of them. michelle, colleen, renee and amy c would be a great final 4. i would like to see the mother daughter team and colleen in the final. amy c is pretty much screwed with either alliance. she must stay above the yellow line. the evil gang will be shooting for her until the end. poor thing. she's made the rest of the game a hell for herself but it should make for fascinating television. i know the other women will support her and jillian would train her again in a heartbeat. oh, by the way, i adore jillian. hot, hot, hot. and hot. i think i could turn her...maybe.

2 more days [survivor spoiler below]

well kiddies, we've got two more days in this crazy campaign and it's time to make your voice heard. i know i've been super obnoxious about reminding you to vote and all, but complacency is what frightens me. some say obama has it in the bag, but i'm not so sure. i have my faith, of course, where i wake up every morning and be grateful that barack obama is the next president of the united states. i have my faith in the american people that they have felt betrayed by the current administration and will do anything for something different. all i'm saying is that just because you think everyone else is voting doesn't mean you shouldn't. i have stopped watching anything but rachel maddow and stopped reading the polls. i feel like the media has the power to sway people and i think this is the time to stop listening to fox news and air america and listen to your gut. your gut cannot allow more of the same. do you want more oppression and lies?
so, here's my final push - please vote for change, whatever you think that may be. don't forget to vote on your communities measures. change starts at home. california, vote NO on prop 8, please. protect marriage by voting NO. arizona and florida - please don't pass your constitutional measures either on same sex marriages. i would like to take a moment to thank my mother for telling the canvasser that came to her door that it was no business of his who is marrying who and that her and my father would be voting NO on 8. thanks mom. it warmed my core. we have the opportunity to change the course of our country. don't forget to be a part of it.
on the same topic, i saw w. last week and felt cheated by oliver stone. i felt like he wanted me to sympathize with w. because of his "daddy issues." really? daddy issues? wah, wha, wha. daddy never approved! he loved jeb more than me! even though i committed treason - and should go to jail - to finish what you started, you still don't love me?! come on, oliver. you can do better than that. i think this film exposed cheney as more the bad guy and w. just an idiot head of the biggest fraternity in the world. forget about all the lying, stealing and treason going on. not addressed with any gusto. it's basically glossed over while w. and cheney eat sandwiches and talk about figuring out a way to manipulate all of us (including his own cabinet) into thinking there was weapons of mass destruction. this is huge and it's brought up while w. has pastrami hanging out of his mouth. however, as much as i hated w. i must say that josh brolin was a-mazing. he had w. down to a tee. an oscar nomination is possible. thandi newton's condoleezza rice was absolutely hideous. it was a cross between and 80 year old katherine hepburn and a marionette. god. i was embarrassed for her.
can we talk survivor for a minute? i must give props to sugar for finally starting to play this game. i think she would have stayed with ace had he not asked for the immunity idol to have in his pocket for tribal council. oh, and on a sidebar, i hate when they make both teams go to tribal council. i think that's bullshit. anyway, back to ace. sugar made the right move at the right time. having said that, i don't think sugar ever planned on voting ace out. i don't think she's a strategic player. however, she has spent plenty of time out at the "sugar shack" and what else to do but strategize? oh, and eat fruit and sleep. the only foreseeable problem is that everyone must know she has it because she's the only one who's been out there. so once the merge comes (if she makes it and fang hasn't tried to flush it out), she will have quite a target on her back. she'd have to be blindsided and i don't think that will be as easy as everyone thinks. especially when koto sees that she voted out ace. what about ken? our gamer? he's the one who planted the seed with sugar about ace and what's going on around camp when she's out vacationing at the sugar shack. it's only fair that she know - and ken really didn't say anything that wasn't true about ace. ace's big mistake was - well, besides the fake accent he couldn't keep going the entire time - assuming that sugar would just let him "borrow" the idol for tribal council. if you wanted immunity you should have won it for yourself. well, i'm fine with ace going. actually, there isn't anyone i really like this season. i find myself siding with sugar because she doesn't really have any allies. she's spent so much time away from camp that it's hard to connect with anyone. randy actually makes me laugh. this guy is so freaking miserable it's comical. at first i hated randy, but now i just have to laugh. he's one of those guys that get off on being a tool. who else? marcus the magnificent (as twop so affectionately call him). jeez this guy is like too perfect, huh? charlie couldn't agree more either. jacquie, i miss you and all that you brought to survivor: gabon.

pr

holla! check it - leanne won project runway! finally someone is representing my city on a reality show with dignity and talent. well, it seems leanne's only been in portland for 2 years having moved from california, so my sister can claim her more than me. but even if leanne wasn't from my fine city, i would have been rooting for her. she is meticulous, innovative (she used sustainable fabrics for her final collection, of course) and just plain nice. [except for where kenely was involved and then it's all bets off!] above is leanne and her wedding dress - it was spectacular...and it had pockets! thanks for a great season designers! ok, maybe a little boring, but i digress. heidi, tim? i love you my little babies. [p.s. heidi, next year more tight little numbers when walking out on the runway with that velvet button bag. please and thank you.] next year pr moves to lifetime. god. i hate lifetime (and los angeles...what about mood?). i hope they don't make it all weepy and cheesy-like. that would suck. ok. have a great friday everyone! oh, and don'tforgettovotenovember4,2008.voteforpeace.change.hope.obama. auf wiedersehen!

me talking survivor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBW5BWTqrI8