tv & life ... no, just tv

are you watching 'better off ted'? this is funny people. check out the promo spot above featuring veronica palmer, extremely cold and hilarious!

"there's a good chance you're already working for us and you don't even know it!"

i'm sorry...

i suppose i owe an apology to my readers who love my snarky comment on reality tv and whatnot and all you've been getting is basketball mumbo jumbo. i'm sorry. it's all so ... well, all consuming. it's down to the wire people! i'll try to be less geeky.
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speaking of apologies, did you all see this...


this portia is all over the damn place! but this is a homo classic. hilarious and subversive all at the same time. kudos for all this speaking out porsh. it's nice seeing her on tv because, well, she's hot. oh and her show is pretty funny too. she's got that stone-face hilarity down to a science. check it out if you haven't. oh, it's called 'better off ted'. bad title but good, smart comedy. wednesday abc 8.30...
"paid for by married gay people who are sorry" HA!
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tomorrow is friday and you know what that means people, record night! these are the records in the frames this week...

[the police's synchronicity is a true classic. these guys rarely missed a beat. it's a shame sting seems like such a tool.]

[i think she's so unusual is a perfect way to start a friday night! her cover of prince's 'when u were mine' is one of my all time favorites. remember the day you realized what 'she bop' was actually about? that was a rough one! we also know that cyndi is a hetero homo advocate. thanks cyndi!]

lost

thank you lost.
i am in.
could lost be the most intriguing show?
ever?
it's one of the only shows i can't wait a week for.
i save up 2 or 3 at a time.
i'm caught up.
shit.
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r.h.n.y.c.

i can't believe i just read one of the most profound books i've ever read and now i'm watching a real housewives of nyc marathon. really? last season i really enjoyed these ladies. i thought they were funny and not as super ridiculous as the orange county wives. but this season? they are all just a little bit catty. luann is out of her mind. she thinks she's an expert on etiquette and she's writing a book. meanwhile, she's trying to hush a crowd at a benefit (where she's being honored, of course) and then goes back to her table and continues to talk about how rude everyone is throughout the entire intro. the zinger? she was shocked that the woman giving the intro wasn't referring to her as "countess." she married a count (15 years her senior) and takes her "title" very seriously. it's hilarious. the episode where ramona tells luann that she thought her husband was twice her age was priceless. you can't script this stuff! alex and simon are the "white trash" snobs. her and her husband live in near squalor in brooklyn. their brownstone is a disaster - they're remodeling. they are living in a closet with their 2 obnoxious children. i think jill and bethany are the most human. the new "wife" kelly is ... well, i'm not sure why she's on this season. she's the ex of tyra banks photographer, the infamous jil bin simone. awesome. however, she is the most stuck up of them 5. ooohhh, next week is fashion week in new york! i can't wait.

words i couldn't conjure about the road

"there is an urgency to each page, and a raw emotional pull...making [the road] easily one of the most harrowing books you'll ever encounter...once opened, [it is] nearly impossible to put down; it is as if you must keep reading in order for the characters to stay alive...the road is a deeply imagined work and harrowing no matter what your politics." -bookforum

"devastating...mccarthy has never seemed more at home, more eloquent, than in the sere, postapocalyptic ash land of the road...extraordinarily lovely and sad...[a] masterpiece." -entertainment weekly.

* * * * *
it was hard to start this book because it's written in a very stream of conscience, non-punctuated manner that is hard to comprehend. once you do, the first review is spot on! i read 90 pages last night before bed for the very reason of making sure the boy and his father stay the good guys. and alive. it's told in short cryptic, concise paragraphs. it is punctuated with deeply philosophical ideas that really make me feel a pit and a sense of urgency in my stomach. this is rare for me with books. please check this book out and we'll talk about it.

biggest loser spoiler!!!!

* * * * *
oh cathy from the biggest loser sacrificing herself for aubrey. i really admire that cathy. there is something about her that reminds me of my own mother. selfless. funny. adorable. approachable. way to go cathy - don't ever stop. kristin, come on girl! +1? my heart broke for her. the frustration and pressure is probably mounting now. tara too - she is starting to plateau i think. it's going to be harder and harder for her to lose weight. she looks amazing. kristin looks great too, but has more weight to lose than tara. the thing i love about the biggest loser is that everyone (well, sans vickie from last season) is there to lose weight and make their lives better and support each other. cathy knew aubrey would have a hard time at home with 5 kids and she did lose 5 pounds this week.

* * * * *
wait! there is a commercial for a "cleaner" called 30 seconds outdoor cleaner. it gets off moss and slimy stuff that collects over the winter. especially here in the damp pacific northwest. you just spray it on and rinse it off after 30 seconds and, voila! moss gone. what is this chemical? it's getting washed into our rivers and streams and could kill oceanic life and you know, us. don't use chemicals for this people! as sharon would exclaim, "IT'S TOXIC!" call me, i'll bring over the power washer and go to town. i power washed sharon's entire house, deck and porch last year. i also power washed my friends, andrea and jerry's deck! i also power washed the courtyard at my apartment! i'm thinking in a couple months it'll be time to do more power washing. i love that thing! it's amazingly satisfying. it's way better than sweeping or vacuuming. [1 C, 2 U's? i can never remember! spellcheck!] you get out the iPod, make a power washing playlist and go to town! sharon came out and brought me a cold beverage and a snack from time to time. and i was allowed bathroom breaks.

* * * * *
so go get the road. for reals, not for fakes.
also...
go get neko case's new record, middle cyclone. it's not her best by a long shot but it's catchy. she can't help it. plus she's on the hood of a 1967 mercury cougar - the car i learned to drive in and drove mostly through high school. we all cried the day it drove down the street. thanks for the memories, neko! oh, plus me and johna and jenn will be at the crystal when she comes to portland. i was hoping for a different venue, but it's the perfect mid-sized room for her.
poor natasha richardson! get well soon...

lez girls

coming to a 6 year end tonight is ilene chaiken's ground-breaking lesbian series, the l word. i've talked a lot about how annoying this show is - but when you break it down, it's just a soap opera with chicks. hot chicks. when the l word first appeared it got a lot of flack for all the women on the show being "too hot" and not "lesbian" enough. it's true that only two of the women are actual lesbians (leisha "alice" hailey and daniela "moira/max" sea) and that the "straight" women are hot, hot, hot. [i've had jennifer beals in my minds eye for 6 years - yum!] perhaps "too hot" to be gay. the writing lacked and the acting sometimes left a lot to be desired (good acting cannot overcome bad writing). ilene pissed me off when she killed off dana and broke my heart when carmen was written out. [can anyone forget carmen's sexy dance for shane in the dining room?]ilene's show, however, has broken down many stereotypes and boundaries for lesbians on television. if i had a show like the l word when i was coming of sexual age perhaps it wouldn't have been so hard for me to be honest and feel good about who i was. the only gay person i saw on tv was billy crystal in soap and he was so flamboyant it seemed a mockery. ellen degeneres came along 20 years later and changed every one's perception about homosexuality and probably made it possible for a show like the l word and it's predessor queer as folk.
all of the actors really took this show very seriously and boldly embraced their characters. they had to because in the hands of worse actors this show never would have lasted more than a season. j. beals and laurel holloman (bette & tina) have some of the best chemistry between two virtual strangers i have ever seen. l. hailey (alice), is close to comic genius i've seen in a while. her timing is spot on and i hope she gets to do something else fun soon. [it's rumored that alice will be getting her own spin-off type show, but i have no actual proof or info. so as the real estalker says, don't go spreading it around like it's gospel!] katherine "i swear i'm not really gay" moennig is shane. i'll never be able to look at her in another role with out thinking of shane. mia kirshner as jenny was just brilliant. she took that character from meek victim to fun loving friend to crazy film director to shattered woman. great. thank you mia! i've already spoken of rachel shelley and helena peabody's odd transformation. who am i forgetting? oh, kit! giiiiiirrrrrl! bad ass pam grier was left short of a fully developed character. i think it was season 4 or 5 when her lines consisted of "giiiiirrrrrl" "baby girl" "baby sis" "my boo" and others. the many great guest spots like ossie davis and gloria steinem to snoop dog and sleater-kinney. great extended guest spots from marlee matlin and cybill shephard.
i'm worried about how this is going to end because there is only the one episode left and nothing is getting resolved! here's how the bear thinks this will end (especially if chaiken was feeling really evil):
who killed jenny? jenny killed jenny. the last act of defiance. her swan song. but wait! we're back in tim's converted garage and jenny is sitting in front of her laptop. this is lez girls, jenny's novel about the escapades of tim and jenny's glamorous lesbian neighbors she eyes through the fence, bette and tina and their circle of los angeles lesbians. the book ends with jenny (the writer) killing off the evil jenny (the "character") because it's the only way it could end. the show began with jenny arriving in los angeles and it will end with her leaving. tim and jenny are married and live happily ever after. i know this isn't the most popular of endings but i will laugh my ass off if she pulls a dallas on us.
so, in conclusion, thanks ilene chaiken for giving us 6 maddening years of a lesbian soap opera - who knows when we'll see another. these women will forever be in my lexicon. don't forget to watch tonight or find it online. i can't tell you where but if you look hard enough you'll find it. if you've never watched, go. go now and rent seasons 1-5. by the time you're done season 6 will be available!

helena peabody

the l word. this show is finally coming to an end after 6 gloriously bad seasons and the person i ended up really rooting for and loving - helena. yes, the helena peabody. the one that seduced a very pregnant tina and ruined bette's life at the california arts center. in season 2 she was a monster; in season 3 she's a hilarious, funloving sidekick to the group. everyone ends up loving helena. even bette by season 6. helena ended up losing her fortune, been hoodwinked by a woman she fell in love with (damn that dylan!), was hoodwinked again by a different woman but stole all her money and hid it, went to jail [the conversation where alice told her not to drop the soap was hilarious], fell in love with her cell mate, got out bought the planet with kit, then fell in love with first said hoodwinked girl again (yay, dylan!). through all of that helena became my favorite friend on the l word. oh, and she just got sexier and sexier.

rachel shelley - isn't she cute?

on sunday the l word comes to a close. ilene is leaving us with 8 pathetic episodes. episode 7 i thought would start wrapping things up, but i was foiled again. i have this horrible fantasy that jenny is still with tim and writing her first novel about their sexy lesbian neighbors, bette and tina and their menagerie of friends and their probable escapades. she lives vicariously through what she sees through the fence. she marries tim and lives happily ever after. wouldn't that just piss everyone off? the last 2 seasons, jenny has been a pretty over the top, sensational villain. i mean, this is stuff writers save for daytime serials. this couldn't have all really happened. we shall see. if all this is true then maybe dana is still alive! that'd be one way to have dana in the finale. good god, i can't wait for this to be over!

lost on lost

lost. yes, i'm all caught up. i watched the last 3 episodes yesterday. wow. i have almost absolutely no idea what's going on, but i am so compelled to keep watching. time/space continuum? quantum physics? what? i barely got out of algebra II. and physics? right.
is locke dead? will they be able to bring him back once they get him back to the island via time travel? what about charolette? truly dead? where's claire (she was cute and that accent? yes!)? what about all of the people who have died on the island? what's to stop them from going back and saving them? see, it's a never ending circle once you start screwing with the past to try and change the future. it's scientific fact (ok, only in the movies and tv) that things happen for a reason and you can't change those things back once they've happened. oh, and when the island is revving up to time travel, i can almost feel that pressure building up in my head. i better not end up with a bloody nose sitting here on my couch.
another thing. is it wrong to have a weird fascination with ben linus? at first he really creeped me out - but now, i have, not a crush per se, but i love his character. is he bad? is he really trying to help the oceanic 6 or is he leading them into a trap? i can't wait to figure that one out.
***
i think i need to mention the top 36 on american idol. here they are in two categories, totally forgettable and totally memorable. you can see their pictures here.

who? what? where?
kristen - nope
ann marie - who?
jeanine - uh...
jasmine - i remember her face, but i'm not sure about the singing.
taylor - ...not recalling...
kai - again, i remember his face (mostly because he reminds me of sayid) but not his voice.
megan - where was i when they were picking?
casey - sorry i missed her. she's cute.
kris - um, uh, nope.
mishavonna - again, where was i?
jessica - meeeeooooow!
rick - i thought he was the guy whose wife died. oops. wrong guy.
allison - 2 l's huh?
ju'not - how can you forget a guy with this name? that's not a good sign.
matt - zoinks! i have no clue about this guy. i don't even remember his face!

oh, yeah, i remember them...
jackie - bluesy raspy voice. she's also sassy and different. i like that.
matt - i remember this guy because i don't think he should have made it.
stephen - this guy definitely shouldn't have made it. he walked off stage during his final performance.
lil rounds - yes! she will go far. she's the one me and randy think has a little mary j in her. she could win.
jorge - yes. this guy? hate him.
von - hate this guy too. too cheesy.
scott - the blind guy. um, i like this guy. i think he's actually quite talented.
kendall - she's got the face, but i can't recall the voice. how do these people think they will win if we can't remember them?
tatiana - you know you're annoying when irritate ellen degeneres. that laugh. ugh.
daniel - i busted this guys balls during auditions about his sob story (his wife died). he's only gotten better. his buddy (the guy with the pierced face) shockingly didn't make it. i thought he was more original than, say, matt or stephen.
nathanial - remember him during hollywood week? the crying. the whining. "i want this so baaaad!" wha-wha-wha. he'll bring the drama should he make it out of the first few rounds.
alexis - she's good but not solid.
alexander - he was the kid who sang for the very last spot. i was impressed. he's super dorky - sort of a josh grobin type.
felicia - she's the chick who is taking the place of the other chick who can't be in the competition because she's a professional singer. duh.
anoop - in the house! i adore this guy. he's adorable and cool and i think he's going to capture the hearts of america. (ha! i can't believe i just said that! but how can you not love a guy named anoop? i can already hear randy, "anooooop dawg!")
michael - well. this guy and matt were in a sing off together and they both went through. they both remind me of the guy who sings real good at the local tavern.
stevie - the girl that was named after stevie nicks. i thought she was good.
nicolas/norman - i was appalled that this guy got through. i mean, really. between him and tatiana my head might explode.
arianna - i thought she was sweet.
adam - he wears far too much make-up. it's distracting.
brent - you gotta have the "rough and tumble guy with the voice of an angel"*. meet brent.

there ya go. i'm curious to see how this goes. the most memorable to me were lil, jackie, anoop and daniel. tonight the real competition starts. let's see what these fools are made of!

*[i don't personally think brent has the voice of an angel but i bet paula has a hard on for this guy.]

dammit, part deux

it's the last season of the l word so i've been revisiting my old friends bette and tina, kit, dana (r.i.p.), alice and tasha, jenny and shane and helena. after watching the first episode i had to laugh because i don't know if ilene chaiken didn't know if she'd get another chance or what, because she squeezed in every lesbian cliche in the book. anyway, it's not the show that has me all in a tizzy. it's the freaking theme song. i actually woke up this morning at 3:30 am humming that stupid song. i hate that song. i think by re-printing the lyrics here you will see why i don't want to have it stuck in my head. enjoy.

girls in tight dresses

who drag with mustaches

chicks driving fast

ingenues with long lashes

women who long love lost

women who give

this is the way

it's the way that we live

talking

laughing

loving

breathing

fighting

fucking

crying

drinking

writing

winning

losing

cheating

kissing

thinking

dreaming

this is the way

it's the way that we live

it's the way that we live

and love

death to betty.

my gayest entry yet!

http://www.wowowow.com/post/lesley-stahl-rachel-maddow-MSNBC-Fox-News-184110?page=0%2C0

go to the link above to finally read a really great interview with my mad crush, rachel maddow. she is so insightful, smart, funny, sarcastic and gay as gay can be. she's so gay, she claims to sometimes forget she's gay. it's true we don't go around all day long thinking we're gay. are you heteros continually conscious of your straightness?

speaking of gay - the beginning of the final season of nip/tuck is really starting to annoy me. first, FIRST, liz sleeps with christian? what? only to tell him she doesn't like men, she likes christian. then she has the gay nerve to sleep with him AGAIN! oh dear. to put the icing on the lesbian cake - so to speak - the character of olivia, played by portia de hottie de rossi, was killed off by going into cardiac arrest on the plastic surgery operating table. now i know this show is so over the top and all but are we to believe that portia de rossi degeneres is having plastic surgery? plus, if i was portia degeneres i would go slap ryan murphy for his pathetic lesbian storyline. it was offensive and if mrs. de rossi degeneres knew it would be edited that way i think she would have thought twice about taking that gay role. plus, i was promised some girl on girl action and there was one scene of the women laying in bed chatting. of course. the next scene is

of christian's bare ass giving it to twins. nice. oh, have i mentioned that ryan murphy is a gay man? that makes it worse.

whoa! sorry about that. it was all so annoying. so annoying, in fact, i don't think i'm going to finish this series up. take that ryan murphy!


[portia and joley richardson in their one scene in bed together on a show that thrives on sex. portia's a top? who woulda guessed?]