no apologies required - a manifesta

hello verbal zoo fans. i know it's been ages but i have no apologies for any of you. sorry...
anyway, here i am trying to become creative again. i haven't done much of anything creative for a long while. actually, i procrastinated on even entering this blog. it's just a blog entry for goodness sake. it doesn't even have to say much of anything. here's some things i've been thinking about...
passports...
i received my passport in the mail last week. i look like george hamilton. it's a little off putting. actually, it doesn't even look like me. it looks like george hamilton. maybe it's more of a kramer after falling asleep in the tanning bed...
phones & toilets...
for the second time i lost a phone to the porcelin god. this time it was a little more expensive than the last. however, i didn't need a plumber this time. i did need to bio-hazard myself since i dove head first into a toilet full of pee to retrieve the beloved iphone. it was too late. r.i.p. i got a new one, plus i've made friends and family work for me with my rosey from work. we are now friends and family using our iphones for $50 a month! moral: iphone is not allowed in the bathroom. ever.
chicks...
well, i'm finally feeling confident and sassy again and am contemplating being more social. you're probably thinking, "oh, it's bear, she'll never follow through on that one!" but that's the old bear. the new bear initiated conversation with hot woman (clearly gay! 1 for me!) at 5Q bar. ended up she has a girl, but ahhhh, it felt nice. thank you hot chick at 5Q bar in sweater vest.
what i want...
i want to start getting what i want. for real. i wonder why i don't think i deserve the things i want? i'm standing in my own way of asking for what i want. being brutally honest with myself. it's weird. i've been in therapy for over 10 years and i'm finally willing to look at it. it's unbelievably powerful. some things i want: i want to travel. i want to not be afraid to do so. i start in december to belize. next? amsterdam. i want to be in love. i want to be loved. i want to be creative. i want to be the best i can be in my job. i want to explore another language. i want to learn to play the guitar. i want a pet that doesn't growl at me. i want to make more trips to california to see my neice in her dances and my nephews as they grow into their teens. i can't miss that. it means too much to me. i want health insurance for myself to keep myself healthy. I WANT I WANT I WANT!!! it seems so selfish but i deserve it.
how...
good question. i suppose i need to find the fringe of my comfort zone. find it and challenge it. know that when i do challenge it and find a new outcome i will only be better. i will be a better sister, daughter, auntie, friend, partner. it's kind of thrilling. perhaps i'm hitting my mid-life crisis early. awesome. i'm young enough to accept the challenge - BRING IT!
trailblazers...
the portland trailblazers are starting to bring it together. the addition of andre miller, the insertion of greg oden into the starting lineup and nic batuum going out with an ankle injury and a recovered martell webster in his place is all new. it's like an all new team. there is so much talent even charles barkley can't believe it! when yr second unit consists of travis outlaw, joel przybilla and martell up front and jarryd bayless and rudy fernandez in the backcourt; other teams need to start figuring out how their second units are going to denfend a lineup that could easily start in many markets. the starting lineup of lamarcus (we love LA!) and GO up front and an interesting choice of 3 guards, b.roy, andre and steve blake is exciting and fast. even GO ran the floor the other night with lamarcus. greg dribbled down the court and lobbed to LA for a dunk! the smile on his face afterwards was consolation that i didn't see it live and at home! anthony and i are in for an amazing turning point season for the portland trailblazers! vote for LA to get to dallas for the all-stars this year. he deserves it and i know he'd love to go home to dallas!
gossip...
saw the gossip about 3 weeks ago at the wonder ballroom. beth came in for lunch, of course, and for the first time in a while i didn't make a complete ass of myself. i welcomed her home (they've been on tour for months) and told her how excited i was for the new record and the show. she is so rad. she invited all of rsq employees plus 1 friend into the show for free. that was so cool of her. she was humbled as she saw we made a special cocktail in her honor and that we told her the show was sold out. she was shocked. the show itself was awesome. most of working rsq showed up - pilar, alison, mike, me, jenn, johna, julia t, erica, her friends and emilio. beth rocked it out. she was coming off a cold so she couldn't hit any high ones but didn't let it keep her from being that front woman that makes the gossip who they are. the "what's love got to do with it" cover was so sweet. i hope that gets released somewhere. i want it. the band was tight as tight could be. seeing a band in the middle of their tour is the best. they are in sync and they still like each other. thanks beth and the gossip. my ears rang from a show for the first time in a while.
done...

psst. pass it on...

ok yall, i got the new gossip record, music for men, and i've listened to it about a billion times this week so i feel i'm ready to tell you that...IT ROCKS! seriously - you know when on american idol simon or randy are always talking about how the kids need to make the older songs feel current? adam lambert excluded, few can actually do it. really, artists that are really talented rarely get the job done. the gossip hits it hard, 80's style on this record. this record is what would happen if beth, hannah and nathan got into a delorian and traveled back to 1984. not sure if that's what they were going for, but it's exactly how i feel when i hear 'four letter word.' it has to be the one cut i can't wait to hear. [it's at the end of the record, so i anxiously await it.] the lead off 'dime store diamond' is funky and slow but it rocks all at the same time. the single, 'heavy cross' is good but definitely not the one i'd chose to try and "sell" to the radio - this is their major label debut and for god's sake, rick rubin produced it! i chose not to read any real reviews before i heard it and i'm glad i did. the thing i dig about the gossip is that they haven't copied anyone - they are uniquely the gossip. it's unusual these days not to hear a band or artist and say, oh, they remind me of [insert band here] it's where blues and "indie rock" collide. beth ditto is probably the best front woman of any band since frickin' debbie harry or chrissy hynde. i saw the gossip rock at the great american music hall in san francisco opening for s-k and the second she walked on stage i was like what????!!!! she was at least 100 pounds overweight and rockin the most awesome lingerie and garter. i was skeptical to say the least. when she started belting out the most authentic blues voices ever heard in "indie rock" i was captivated. she danced and sweat and sang her little heart out. the whole place was dancing to a band they had never heard of to songs they've never heard. mostly because beth ordered it. she even made carrie, corin and janet dance. it was like some crazy dance party someone throws in their basement. beth lives close by to the restaurant i work at and she's a regular customer. she has been nothing but lovely to each and every one of us and all the new hires that come from other restaurants around know her too and love her as well. we aren't shy about telling her how much we love the gossip. she says they won't be playing portland until fall - that's okay it will give me more time to listen to music for men a gazillion more times!