Thursday, April 29, 2010

randoms of "new" music

falling down ... scarlett johansson [yeah, the actress. she has a strange eclectic voice. this album of ton waits covers is so weird. her voice is concrete blonde - ish and sounds nothing like her authentic old-timey voice she uses on pete yorn's record.]
for today i am a boy ... antony & the johnsons [this MtoF transexual sounds like edith piaff sometimes.]
sheela na gig ... pj harvey [pj has had a serious resurgence in my life. thank god. her debut record, dry is so unbelievable. anything from this record is a true gem.]
yellow ledbetter ... pearl jam [i got this 7-disc live at the gorge cd at the library. all 7 cd's are amazing. not easy to say about live recordings. pearl jam - i've been dying to see them live.]
trying my best to love you ... jenny lewis [this album is a lovely follow-up to her wonderful rabbit fur coat from a couple of years ago.]
say so ... uh-huh her [alice from the L word's band. i love alice, formally of lezzie bands gush and the murmurs. this record is pretty gay, so if yr a "bian" check this one out.]
fancy ... yeah yeah yeahs [i'm pretty much down with anything YYY's. this is not a cover of the country song.]
whiskey can can ... beck [yes it can can]
baligaga ... tricky [love his beats. kinda sexy.]
someday soon ... cowboy junkies [the first song i've ever heard that margo is not leading the vocals.]
christians inferno ... green day [21st century breakdown is good but no american idiot.]
daydreamer ... adele [i love this debut record by adele. her voice is amazing and the songs are beautiful and age appropriate.]
i feel it all ... feist [her music is always a journey for me.]
baba o'riley ... pearl jam
a bad sign ... michael penn [cool record in which he's taken on the persona of mr hollywood jr 1947]
paris is burning ... st. vincent [thanks jenn!]
rain check ... ani difranco [surprisingly just getting in to ani...i'm so behind!]
so fast, so numb ... r.e.m. [found one of my favorite r.e.m. records at the library. i lost this one in the divorce and it somehow never found it's way into the itunes library.]
georgia ... the 1900's [from]

vipassana and life

"Vipassana is one of India's most ancient meditation techniques. It is the process of self-purification by self-observation. One begins by observing the natural breath to concentrate the mind. Then, with a sharpened awareness, one proceeds to observe the changing nature of body and mind and experiences the universal truths of impermanence, suffering and egolessness. This truth-realization by direct experience results in mental purification.

The technique is a universal remedy for universal problems and has nothing to do with any organized religion or sectarianism. It can be freely practiced by anyone without conflict due to race, community or religion, and will prove equally beneficial to one and all."
i've been enrolled in a 10-day silent meditation retreat in southern washington. for those of you wondering if i am stable enough or determined enough to do it - you know it. i've talked to both my physician and my counselor and they both think it's a great idea for me. i'm so lost -- just personally. i'm dealing with all this (silently and not so silently!):
  • no money. i'm not just saying, like, i'm broke. i'm saying i am dead broke. like "how do i keep shelter and food going" broke.
  • loss of a friendship that i shouldn't even be worrying about.
  • the near loss of a friendship that i should be nurturing.
  • trying to bump my self-esteem back up.
  • listening to scully meow continuously.
  • i'm a trailblazer fan. (that's really hard!)
  • how can i handle a friendship with someone i have feelings of like for, who feels similar but isn't ready to feel similar? am i ready to be feeling that way?
  • i haven't been home to see my nephews and niece since christmas.
  • self-sabotage.
  • i have several sick relatives i think about everyday.
  • honesty. truth.
these are the things i am grateful for:
  • sharon. she keeps it real with me. always. i'm beyond grateful.
  • diane jana helen jenn - my portland family.
  • mom dad kris tim brent joe lauren.
  • the rest of em.
  • shelter.
  • work - my awesome job. the job i have never once gotten up in the morning and not wanted to go there. my co-workers always lift my spirits. kd julia t are rays of true sunshine! your spirits can't help but be lifted.
  • the love of my meowing cat!
  • no car payment. (and that trixie is reliable!)
  • a coffee place right across the street. what a gem that place is!
  • being a trailblazer fan and season ticket holder. i can't afford it and i thought of not renewing. i waited until the last minute to renew.
  • i got to date a really hot chick for about 3 months. the fact that someone was interested in me - even if just for a second. i forgot how wonderful that can feel - especially when you feel the same.
  • my neighbor has chilled the fuck out.
  • nature. portland is so beautiful. i've made an effort to get out and see it since returning from belize.
the scales are almost even. that's no good. i look forward to my retreat and learning how to center myself, how to respect my thoughts, how to respect me. it's never been easy for me but i'm gonna give it a go. i want all this taken care of by 40 so i can take a fucking break from all this and enjoy my life. my one life.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


i like the new layout.

and the sadness prevails...

i miss her already.