Friday, May 29, 2009

oh, did i tell you i'm going to belize?

so, because i am cruel i thought i would show you the view and inside the cutest cabana on caye caulker. who'll be the lucky bitch staying there? yep, you guessed it. hi, i'm lucky bitch and you are... oh my god. i look at this place every day and saving as much money as humanly possible. this week was not good for saving as we were closed monday for memorial day and i couldn't work last night due to a strained groin. see story of my first softball game below. the bbq is chockers almost every night and day so i'm totally working my ass off to be pleasant to EVERY SINGLE CUSTOMER. even the crazy guy john who rush made me talk to. um, caryn, can you help me? rush's arm is in a sling from a hairline fracture in her clavicle, so i didn't think anything of this request. what's up rush? what can the bear do for you? she walked by me and said could you help the guy at the door? i can't understand him. i thought sure, no big whoop. i turn around and see the guy almost asleep on the hostess stand. great. what do we have here? sir, can i help you with something? he pulls his smelly head off the hostess stand and says something like i [inaudible] to go [inaudible]... quizzical looks crosses your hero's face. i'm sorry, do you have a to go order or do you want a to go order? john finally is fully upright and slurs there were kids running here and i want you to go to every table and see who has my to go order - 3 saran wraps. if my face could have gotten more quizzical, it just did. oookaaay...we didn't steal your lunch, i promise. he interrupts those kids stole my lunch and i want to go to every table to get it back! well...sir, i will not. i don't know what to tell you about your lunch but if you want to buy something, with money, you may. otherwise, you'll have to go. okay? he wouldn't let it go. he starts toward table 7, which is occupied like every other table at the peak of lunch time. then i'm going to do it. out of the corner of my eye i saw a young man watching the exchange so i felt bold enough to put my hand out and step in front of him. no you will not. i'm going to ask one more time for you to go and then i'm going to call the police. he left very slowly mumbling about his stolen lunch. i looked at rush and she had a bit of a sheepish grin and she said, thanks caryn. that was good. i smiled because rush is so damn cute and sweet that i said that's how you handle a mumbler like that, rush. learn from the master and one day, grasshopper, you too will be tossing out the john's of the world. i will take you under my wing and together we will go to all of the restaurants in north portland tossing out all the johns. we'll have a signal when we're needed - like batman and robin. [i'll be batman.] the commissioner will shine it into the night sky and - whoa. none of that happened. well, i did tell her that's how you toss out a mumbler like that. don't let them know your afraid of them. in fact, don't be afraid of them. most of them are just drunk or stoned out of their minds on something. it's sort of a sad situation, really. john was probably, on some level, just hungry and smelled bbq outside the door. i always tell the girls that if they are having any problems i don't have a problem asking people to leave. remind me to tell you the story of the time a guy got a water glass smashed in his face. i actually don't even have time to tell you about my softball groin injury. when i get home from my catering hours i'll tell the story. i'm feeling in a story-telling mood.
oh, did i tell you i'm going to belize?

p.s. i can't get enough of meds and sleeping with ghosts by placebo. literally, it's the only thing i want to hear. love it. i'm going to buy more placebo. you should too.

Friday, May 22, 2009

returning customers ... biwa

above is my obsession right now. ramen from biwa. i love this restaurant. i've never had a bad meal here. the best thing about the ramen is that it's the biggest bowl ever and there is plenty for breakfast the next morning. that's right, you heard me. oh, and if you don't add the egg to it, why bother? it's delicious. another favorite? kimchi chijimi. it's like a pancake like thing with veggies & kimchi. awesome. the gyoza is one of the best little hand-wrapped dumplings. i've also had the yakionigiri (grilled ball of rice) and they used to have these bbq'd ribs that were so good. i notice they aren't on the menu anymore. please go to biwa if you're around 9th and ... ash, i want to say in southeast. it's a few blocks south of the doug fir next to simpatica. check it out. thank me later.

last night as i was at the POS at work, i looked up and who did i see walking in the door but my favorite customers, michael & susan! i hadn't seen them for about 2 years. honestly, i thought something horrible had happened to michael as he had a heart transplant and had complications. he said he's just getting out in the world. he's aged, but lost weight and has his same jolly demeanor. it totally made my night better.
something happened last night at rsq that is one of my pet peeves. ok. rsq was rockin' last night (of course) and at about 6 pm a couple sat on table 2, never opened their menu and already had beer. great. i cruised by and assumed they were ready to order since they'd been waiting. i did the usual friendly greet and they informed me that they weren't really going to order any food - well, maybe a snack. what? ok. they ordered bbq shrimp and proceeded to sit there until after closing nursing 3 beers between them and 2 appetizers. it was, as johna might say, "chockers" up in that joint last night. they clearly could see that there was a wait - about 15 or 20 minutes -but they not once thought, maybe we ought to get moving so others can sit. or, if you are only going to have apps and beer why not sit at the bar? table 2 never turned. i made $4 at the table when i could have made no less than $35 turning that table 3 or 4 times. it's so annoying. speaking of annoyances...

caryn's restaurant pet peeves & scenarios:
  • read the menu. really. men are the worst culprits. for example, they open the menu, see pulled pork sandwich and close the menu. when you ask them about sauce and side, they immediately say, what are the choices? how about opening the freakin' menu and choosing? instead they want you to rattle everything off. i do my best to make them choose themselves by re-opening the menu and pointing to sauce & side choices. this is usually followed by them just picking the first thing out of my mouth (usually mac & cheese) and closing the menu. then the sandwich comes out looking amazing - but what? what's on top of it? i didn't order it with slaw! well, it says right on the menu that it's served with slaw on it. see, if they would read the menu, it could have been avoided. then they make a big production of scraping it off (wasteful). that's when i smile and say a traditional pulled pork sandwich comes with slaw right on top. it's delicious. anything else right now? great! enjoy. then i walk away with a sense of annoyance and maybe a little delight in their stupidity.
  • don't try to order from the hostess as she is seating you. [or as sharon says i hate it when people try to order before their ass is even in the seat! - say in texan accent.] she isn't a server and she doesn't really have time to take your drink order. at rsq we are pretty prompt about someone getting to the table to at least greet and get beverages.
  • don't ask for a 6-top booth on a friday or saturday night if there is only 2 of you and don't let the hostess get you all settled and then say you don't want to sit there. there is a reason the hostess is sitting you there. usually it's so one server doesn't get overwhelmed. we at rsq have a 3 table minimum per server - if 3 tables have menu's down and haven't ordered yet, that server will not be sat. just freakin' sit down, shut up and eat. god. [oh, and if you get table 13, don't f**k around with the dimmer for the lights. i know it's fun, but really, people are trying to eat. example: a couple of weeks ago a 6-top of ADULTS were at the table and it was getting late. i had my back to the table doing some closing duties when i saw the lights go all the way up. we at rsq like to keep it low. i turned around and they looked at me giggling. the lights went back down. no, up again. i turned around again and gave them the mom face - don't make me come over there! the lights went down and up again really quickly. i finally turned around walked halfway to the table and said you know, if you wouldn't mind, people are trying to eat here. they just laughed. guess what? not funny.]
  • kids. working in a restaurant has given me a really bad taste in my mouth with kids. probably made me not want to have any. now, don't get me wrong, i love kids. well, my kids - brent, joe, lauren, hannah, jae, etc. i suppose it's the bad parenting that makes me most crazy. example: last night i had 3 meatapalooza plates in my hands heading to the back of the que. as i came through the doorway into the blue room, a small child was wandering around as his parents chatted over their beers and cocktails. because i had 3 large plates in front of me, i couldn't see said child and ran him down. not on purpose, of course. he didn't go down, but i could have hurt him by a) dropping a 5 lb plate of piping hot bbq on his head or b) stepping on him and crushing him. we don't have this sign up for shits and giggles...wandering children will be given a double espresso and a puppy to take home. oh, and kids are icky, dirty, messy and chock full of germs. don't let your kid smear yams on the window. don't let your kid color on the menu - we give them paper for that. don't let your kid eat the crayons. don't let your kid throw a plate. don't let your kid put their mouths on the ketchup bottle. don't let your kid wander to the next table and annoy them. don't encourage your kid to squeal or scream. even in delight - you might think little johnnie's high pitched squeal is cute. believe me, others don't.

so these are just a few of my peeves - believe me, i have an ayn rand sized book full of 'em. i don't want to blow my wad on one entry. i have to go to work in a few so i suppose i should rinse last night's que off.

[missed you last night lelsey ... i had to be nice to liz and that takes so much freakin' energy...]

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


...lebron james & the cleveland cavaliers are punking orlando right now. damn. they are good. james is a force of nature. how can you defend that spin move to the basket? how? he never gets any fouls called on him. never. never more than kobe (cause they don't really call him either...). you cannot deny this guy. he is the michael jordan of the century. yeah, i said it.
my prediction? the cavs sweep orlando to head to the finals to meet...the denver nuggets. i know it's a long shot, but i hope denver can beat los angeles. they played them tough the other night and i suspect it's only a matter of time until chauncey billups warms up and makes double/doubles - and carmelo anthony (tool) will continue his scoring spree hitting at least 30 every night. it's time to take the dynasties down. orlando got boston on their floor, so one down, one to go. i can't believe i'm saying this...i'll whisper it. go nuggets.


how cute is this little cabana? that's where i'll be staying on cayecaulker, belize over the new year. it's directly on the beach! my girlfriend diane is turning 50 and she wanted a destination birthday - so, there we are! i can't quite tell you how excited i am about this. i want to do a little jig every time i think about it. actually, i do do a little jig!
softball was rained out again(!) well, it's actually a partly sunny day here in portland but it rained yesterday and the field is not in playable condition. dangit! i'm getting more and more apprehensive with every week that goes by without playing. we haven't played one game yet. i imagine there will be a plethora of double headers. that sounds awful.
adam for this year's american idol! i do like kris. i think he's adorable and can definitely be successful. kris has been a dark horse the entire season. i don't predict an upset. adam has gotta have this sewn up. right?

hey lesley, get well my sister. rest and drink a lot ... of whiskey ...i mean water. pee it out! you'll probably end up giving it to your children and the vicious cycle will resume. reason #4,352 caryn will not be having children!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

tv & life ... no, just tv

two of my favorite reality shows came to an end last week, america's next top model and survivor. my, my where to begin...
top model was a serious bust for me this season. i never really connected with any of the girls and i didn't think any of them were successful. to my dismay i did like finalist alison (and i think she got shafted for the win!) and blondie, uh, whatsername. the one who always looked hot at the panel but was too old at 25? i can't think of her name and am too lazy to look for it. it'll come to me - when it does i'll just holler it out. a few cycles ago, my brother-in-law made a comment- something like "if this was the pool of hot chicks in america, we're in trouble." it couldn't have been more true in this season. although tyra did manage to sneak in smiling with her eyes and pointing out those that did in their photos; miss j wore the ridiculous bow tie that got bigger with every elimination; nigel was able to finagle 2 (count them, 2) photo shoots, mr. jay was a shade darker of orange and paulina became a bigger bitch - this cycle was a weekly crap fest. i will have forgotten about it by the next round. ding!
survivor on the other hand...great season. the countless blindsides (which really is the only way to eliminate players these days) were fantastic - especially brenden and tyson. haven't people learned that the second they get too cocky or secure that's when you go home. as for the finale, i can't believe steven and jt voted taj out at 4. there really was no reason - their reasoning was that taj could possibly beat them in the final immunity challenge were it endurance. even though there was an endurance challenge the week before. the last few seasons they've been doing more concentrating challenges - which after 39 days without regular meals, sleep and water is probably really quite hard. now, if taj had gone to the finals with steven (whom she said she would have taken with her to the end because they "promised") she would have killed him as jt did. if she went with jt it would have been close, but i still think jt would have won out, more like 4-3 instead of jt BLOWING OUT steven! he totally dug a hole for himself at the final tribal council where he was brutally honest, telling all their secrets and claiming he would have taken erinn to the final 2 with him instead of jt -- who he'd "promised." you aren't honest! you're still playing, you idiot! the final tribal council isn't about actually answering the questions at hand, it's about listening and figuring out what the jury wants to hear. steven, i think, played the game brilliantly up until the end. he lost it for himself with his horrible final 2 appearance. although, jt didn't do any better. they both tried to toss the other under the bus and were unsuccessful. i'm glad they remain friends. coach's lie detector test is bullshit. i don't believe this guy for one second. anyone would be a fool to think that was a real test. i want to see him taking the damn thing. you can make anything up on your computer these days. captured by amazonians. really? perhaps there were parts of the story that were true but i just can't believe him. and the "honesty" part of his "game"? i call bullshit again. he is so full of himself i can't get over it. oh, and could he have had more make-up on during the reunion? god. i can't believe they put up with him so long. i was done after 2 weeks of him (which constitutes about 6 days on the island), but 36 days? ugh. why did people hate sierra so? [CELIA!] haven't figured that one out either. she must have been just miserable off camera and got a decent edit.
american idol also comes to an end tomorrow. the polar opposites, kris & adam. adam is definitely more creative and has a classic rock and roll voice (i hate to say it, but when he sang "whole lotta love" i swooned and forgot about robert plant. just for a second...) i must say, though, kris impressed me with his kanye song last week. really, really great. he deserved to beat out danny for that spot. good work kris. let's see who brings it tonight boys. i don't care who wins. i like them both. plus i just want it to be over so we can have so you think you can dance! i love that show. hop on the hot tamale train, whoo-whoo!

Friday, May 15, 2009


i know it's been forever but i've been working a ton since half of rsq is sick and/or on vacation and jake is broken. i'm tired. i successfully pawned the end of my shift off to kaiya who, by doing that, just received a big withdrawl. i decided to help lesley by working her lunch shift - hostessing no less [that's how much i adore that lesley!] - and i have a regular serving shift on thursday nights but i just didn't want to do it. me and johna had a serious sugar high [anthony, you are no longer allowed to bring candy into this apartment!] and i was annoying my tables. i could tell. i already tried to pawn my shift off to rosey [he was going to some tranny gig...this is normal] and michael [he stayed up drinking 'til 4 am] unsuccessfully. i'm happy to say that michael had to pull the car over to puke on his way to my house to drop off johna and i got the night off! thanks kaiya. i had no interest in closing that restaurant. withdrawls and deposits are huge in the serving game. people who help are more likely to receive help when needed or wanted. those who don't (cough-michael) find it complicated to get help even when they legitimately need it. those of us who make lots of deposits oftentimes will punish said withdrawler by just saying "no" flat out. actually, we take great joy in it. we will swoon and tell each other. "guess what i just did? m**h**l is in the men's room puking and i said no, i wouldn't finish his shift!" "ha, ha. good one. i said no too. wanna meet me at billy ray's for a beer?" you know what happens when you withdrawl more than you've deposited. yep, your screwed.
top model spoiler below!!!!
i think alison was robbed! i thought she was going to be a hot mess on the runway but she worked it out. she was feirce! she smiled with her eyes! she did a little dance with miss j! she excelled in every photo shoot! she took their advice! this is the shy little girl who told the judges she liked blood! alison! i'm bummed. thoughts?
is anyone else following this farrah fawcet saga? wow. i've cried. i'm so grateful for her making that video. it's huge. i've been following it on the today show but i think i may watch the whole thing tonight. perhaps this exposure to the pains of cancer will move along a cure. hang in there farrah. we love ya! gosh, i wish my sister still had that satin farrah fawcet pillow.

a shout out to my mom and dad and their friends for the loss of their beloved barbie. a relatively young, healthy woman. if this doesn't remind us to live every day like it was our last i don't know. it's amazing how our family roles and dynamics change over time. there i was on the phone trying to support her the best i can from long distance - just like she's done for me over the last 8 years. now me and my sister are in charge of holding them up in their times of need. it's what they did/do for us. time.

Friday, May 8, 2009


i just received a massage from my girl shaney aalbers over at sugar laboratories on broadway. people. if you haven't had a massage in a while or, god forbid, you've never had one, i encourage you to ask around and see who's good. you deserve it. you know you do. [it's totally worth the money...] i still have this idea that shaney's hands secrete oil and lotion. i never hear her pumping anything or even really having any downtime. she's good. she beat the hell out of me but it feels like a million bucks. sugar laboratories was really hoppin' on a friday afternoon. almost every chair was full and in the middle of my massage, someone must have decided jay-z or something was in order because the thumping from downstairs was a little distracting. shaney has music on but it's not very loud of course. i can move my neck again and i just feel like all the ickiness is out of my body. great.
[a shout out to my co-worker nikki, who ran food for me tonight so i wouldn't have to go back to work after my massage. holla!]

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

in da hood

seen on my way home tonight...
a hooker on the corner of mlk and fremont.
a male peeing against the subway restaurant while his female friend "hid" him by standing next to him. [here is where i roll my eyes]
i promise to write here more!
[here is where i shout out to my aunt nancy! hollllaaaa!]

Friday, May 1, 2009

rip city uprise 2008-2009

thanks gilly!

the morning after

well, the portland trailblazer's season came to a screeching halt last night as they let the houston rockets chump them. 20 points. at the very least game 7 was going to be tricky for me as i have to work on saturday night. i might have been more sick to miss game 7. if we would have won game 1, this would have been over on tuesday in portland and it'd be us taking on the lakers. if, if, if.
well, i'm really proud of these guys. no one thought they'd make a series of this (being the youngest team in the playoffs)and i think they showed the league that they better watch out next year. i hope the team learned a valuable lesson last night. brandon roy and lamarcus aldridge cannot be the only guys scoring baskets. if it was more of a team effort it would have at least been closer. travis outlaw had a horrible series. greg oden might as well have started each game with 3 fouls. no excuses, but not one of these guys ever stepped foot on a playoff game floor. i thought they kept their composure and scared the rockets. i like it. they should not hang their heads. they had an amazing season. thank you trailblazers and i hold my breath waiting for the excitement of next year.
30 weeks until next season...
rip city uprise...