Friday, February 27, 2009
sister, you are correct. kris (with a k, ugh! i agree) did sing that horrible song 'man in the mirror'. i do not like that song much. can we just bring back anoop and end it?
so most of you know about my neighbor manny and his leaf blowing/sawing metal ways at 7 am. well, manny moved about 3 months ago and it's seemed so nice and quiet. new folks moved in and they have a barking dog. isn't that nice? everytime me or jen comes out of our apartments the dog starts. when jen brings mya out he goes ballistic. he also just barks because he can. gretchen still barks so now i have barking dogs in stereo. this sucks.
so, can we talk about facebook for a minute? this thing...i totally spoiled the top chef finale with my status! i didn't even think about it. my friend sarah said it was the first time she'd been spoiled by fb status. bummer. sharon says she wants out. sharon likes to be incognito - she doesn't want people knowing what's up or where she is. i feel similarly when people who were so horrible to me in my youth try to contact me. it's weird. anyhoo, we've talked about this before, it think.
well, i missed american idol this week because, well a) it was pre-empted by the president's amazing first speech to congress. let's thank all the networks for showing it - it was truly inspiring. and b) i had to record the trailblazer game. the game totally trumped a.i. ok, so the game was a heart breaker but my boys are staying competitive. the problem is they aren't strong for a full 4 quarters. they are horrible in the first and mediocre in the second. by the fourth? they come alive. it's really something to watch. i've seen them rally from 26 points in the fourth quarter. anyway, i digress. [remember that 25 random things? yep, there i was geeking out on the nba. call me if you really want to talk nba. i'm down.] what was i even talking about? oh, a.i. thank god norman/nick did not make it through. i liked the three that got through last night. allison (2 l's), adam (the distracting make-up guy) and kris (i don't remember this guy from anywhere!). kris was the weakest. his viva la vida was a disaster, i thought. that song is so distinctly coldplay - i would never attempt that. whatever, he fooled everyone. allison is probably the best singer chosen for the competition so far. and she's only 16 or something like that. wow. [the tv show las vegas is on mute in the background and jon lovitz is on and he always plays such a weird guy i can only imagine the storyline. i watched the pilot of this show and thought it would never make it. i didn't like it so much.]
i'm pleased to say i'm seeing a light at the end of my very dark tunnel. wow, i really went on a 6 month emotional journey of sorts. in the process i hurt one of my dearest friends in the world feelings with my shenanigans. i realize now that i was in the process of sabotaging this once in a lifetime friendship because i thought she was getting too close. i didn't want her to see that perhaps caryn isn't what she projects to the world and that if i just bamboozled it first; i wouldn't risk having my heart broken. i could not see anything through my serious, serious depression. i see now that having someone in your life you can be real with is rare and that i should be embracing it. i start today. actually, i started yesterday. i started asking for help and for a friend to listen. and they did. i'm so grateful. i've not been honest in any of my relationships in the last 5 years and i am truly sorry to everyone who has been in or out of my life during that time.
but today i reclaim caryn.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
25. i rarely feed myself at home.
24. i fall down. a lot.
23. i moved to portland because i was so in to the riot grrrrl/diy/third wave feminism movements and portland seemed like ground zero.
22. i still adore sleater-kinney, the greatest rock and roll band ever.
21. i hate curry.
20. i miss my nephews and neice more than anything.
19. i have an entire story made up in my head about my neighbor and her 3 sexual partners. [our bedrooms butt up to one another and they all park right in front of my door. volvo, audi and explorer. one man, two women. i think i'm pretty spot on. explorer and her have just gotten a puppy together! what? volvo was just over last weekend ... THE ENTIRE WEEKEND! oh the drama at paxson court!]
18. i love to organize stuff. anything. making sure the cd's were all in the right place used to be a favorite - you know by artist and then within that artist, by year of record release. by last name or band name and numbered bands (i.e. 10.000 maniacs) first. right?
17. i count stairs. i thought this was ok until sharon told me it was a little ocd. yeah. probably. 28 stairs to the office (14 to the landing, 14 more to the top). 13 stairs to RSQ basement. 6 steps to sharon and diane's front door. i could go on. maybe it's a little ocd.
16. i don't think i'm ocd.
15. i've struggled with depression my entire live and i've been in therapy on and off for...wow, could it be 10 years? eeek! my most recent therapist, jamie, is the best.
14. don't tell anyone. i'm gay.
13. i have a mad crush on smarty pants rachel maddow.
12. i don't have that burning desire to have children. i don't suppose i ever will.
11. i've had a love/hate relationship with my cat going on 12 years. i love that cat and i have the scars to prove it!
10. i think in the next 8 years our world and way of life will change drastically - thanks to our new leader, president barack obama.9. i've wanted to learn the drums since i was a child.
8. i've attempted to start smoking cigarrettes because all of my friends did in college. it never took. it made me want to barf. i sure am glad now, as i've watched many of my friends struggle to quit.
7. if i'm home, the girls are loose and i'm in soft pants or pjs.
6. i was 3 shy of sending this to 25 people.
5.i have a fantasy basketball team called theTALLsocks and a fantasy football team called devilboyfeet. both suck.
4. i love the nba. basketball, sport of kings. i can geek out about basketball for a long time. i talk about it to people who don't give a shit. i can't help it. my friends are totally awesome as they just zone out and say "awesome, bear" and let me have my joy of spreading the good word!
3. i have an amazing relationship with my sister and my parents. my parents have been married for 40 years and were such awesome parents growing up. they really let me and my sister be our own people and god knows we couldn't be more different. but my parents celebrate our diversity and that makes me warm and fuzzy inside. i am in awe of my sister every time i'm at their house for a visit. i don't know how she does it. whenever i'm there i'm exhausted by the end of the day - and i'm just playing auntie!
2. my nickname, care bear, was given to me by the queen of nickname giving sharon. it morphed into bear shortly thereafter. i knew i was bear when i heard it hollered out to me on the street. it's just who i am now. i have my own call too thanks to diane!
1. i am deathly afraid of flying but dream of travel.
pretty random, huh? one that i left out was that i know the lyrics to, like, every song ever. i also sing without really knowing i'm doing it. sharon and di pointed it out to me whilst we were in bend together. they said i never stopped. i told them to just tell me to shut it.
ok, back to the topic. so yesterday i got the 25 influential records note. of course i had to...
1. 'i do not want what i haven't got' by sinead o'connor ...
2. 'rumors' by fleetwood mac ...
3. 'dig me out' by sleater-kinney ...
4. 'from the choirgirl hotel' by tori amos ...
5. 'blue' by joni mitchell ...
6. 'american idiot' by green day ...
7. 'lay it down' by cowboy junkies ...
8. 'car wheels on a gravel road' by lucinda williams ...
9. 'girlfriend' by matthew sweet ...
10. 'honey i'm homely!' by dance hall crashers ...
11. 'in my tribe' by 10.000 maniacs ...
12. 'stories from the city, stories from the sea' by pj harvey ...
13. 'madonna' by madonna ...
14. 'exile in guyville' by liz phair ...
15. 'music for the masses' by depeche mode ...
16. 'automatic for the people' by r.e.m. ...
17. 'ten' by pearl jam ...
18. 'the innocents' by erasure ...
19. 'pretty hate machine' by nine inch nails ...
20. 'the tigers have spoken [live]' by neko case ...
21. 'savage' by eurythmics ...
22. 'indigo girls' by the indigo girls ...
23. 'shooting rubberbands at the stars' by edie brickell & new bohemians ...
24. 'so' by peter gabriel ...
25. '99.9 farenheight [degrees]' by suzanne vega ...
honorable mentions:'our beloved revolutionary sweetheart' by camper van beethoven ... 'funeral' by the arcade fire ... 'rock steady' by no doubt ... 'medusa' by annie lennox ... 'recollection: the best of concrete blonde' by concrete blonde ... 'ophelia' by natalie merchant ... 'harmacy' by sebadoh ... 'little earthquakes' by tori amos ... 'louder than bombs' by the smiths
so, 2 people (you know who you are) busted my chops for having more than 25 records. look, i have 13.5 days of music on my iPod - how do you expect me to choose just 25? in re-reading my list i missed, at the very least, 'standing in the way of control' by the gossip, 'learning to crawl' by the pretenders, 'parallel lines' by blondie', 'the joshua tree' by U2 and 'flyer' by nanci griffith. i could go on. but i'll spare you.
so, carla lost top chef. i loved carla. i dug her from the beginning but never thought she would make it to the end. she's not the typical top chef contender. i thought she was so authentic. she said in the finale that she wanted to show another way to compete - to compete with love. and she totally did. she was never malicious and always grateful to win. she won on flavor and soul and comfort food. i'm sorry that she failed to show it in the finale. i think she could have beaten either men. i think she's better for not winning. way to go carla!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
some reasons why i love arrested development...
[Lucille replaces Lupe with a robot vacuum cleaner, then catches Buster in bed with it]
Buster: Well, what do you expect, mother?
[holds up his hook]
Buster: I'm half machine. I'm a monster.
Tobias Fünke: [as Mrs. Featherbottom] O-kay, who'd like a banger in the mouth?
Tobias Fünke: Right, I forgot, here in the States, you call it a *sausage* in the mouth.
Michael: We just call it a sausage
Michael: [after George Sr. has been handed a jail sentence] They're going to keep Dad in jail until this whole thing gets sorted out.
[silence amongst the family]
Michael: Also, I've been told that the company's expense accounts have been frozen...
Michael: ...Interesting. I would have expected that after "They're keeping Dad in jail."
Narrator: Tobias listens to a day's worth of his own words, to see what Michael was referring to...
Tobias Fünke: [on tape] ... even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up.
Tobias Fünke: Nothing wrong with that.
Tobias Fünke: [on tape] Oh, I've been in the film business for a while, but I just can't seem to get one in the can.
Tobias Fünke: It's out of context.
Tobias Fünke: [on tape] I wouldn't mind kissing that man between the cheeks.
Narrator: ...and he realized there is something distinct about the way he speaks.
Tobias Fünke: Tobias, you blowhard.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold T-shaped pendants? Michael: That's a cross.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Across from where?
Tobias Fünke: No, no, it's pronounced a-nal-ra-pist.
Buster: It wasn't really the pronunciation that bothered me.
Tobias Fünke: [while rehearsing his "frightened inmate #2" character] Say something that will terrify me.
Lindsay Funke: F**k me.
Tobias Fünke: No, that didn't do it.
Kitty: It's the last time you'll see these.
Lindsay Funke: [after having met popular actor Moses Taylor, who plays detective Frank Wrench] I'm going to go see if I cant get a wrench to strip my nuts.
[pause, everyone stares]
Lindsay Funke: I thought it sounded sexy.
bow in the presence of greatness: ron howard, mitch hurwitz and all the cast! i cannot wait!
Monday, February 23, 2009
i've just receieved vicky christina barcelona in the mail and can't wait to give it a look. i'll report back.
peace out -
Sunday, February 22, 2009
amy adams doubt, viola davis doubt, taraji p. henson the curious case of benjamin button, marisa tomei the wrestler
...best supporting actor...
heath ledger the dark knight
josh brolin milk, robert downey jr. tropic thunder, phillip seymour hoffman doubt, michael shannon revolutionary road
kate winslet the reader
anne hathaway rachel getting married, angelina jolie changeling, melissa leo frozen river, meryl streep doubt
sean penn milk / mickey rourke the wrestler [too close to call]
richard jenkins the visitor, frank langella frost/nixon, brad pitt the curious case of benjamin button
danny boyle slumdog millionaire
stephen daldry the reader, david fincher the curious case of benjamin button, ron howard frost/nixon, gus van sant milk
the curious case of benjamin button, frost/nixon, milk, the reader
Saturday, February 21, 2009
on august 7, 1974, a young frenchman named philippe petit stepped out on a wire illegally rigged between new york's twin towers, then the world's tallest buildings. after nearly an hour dancing on the wire, he was arrested, taken for psycological evaluation, and brought to jail before he was finally released.
following six and a half years dreaming of the towers, petit spent eight months in new york city planning the execution of the coup. aided by a team of friends and accomplices, petit was faced with numerous extraordinary challenges: he had to find a way to bypass the wtc's security; smuggle the heavy steel cable and rigging equipment into the towers; pass the wire between the two rooftops; anchor the wire and tension it to withstand the winds and swaying of the buildings. the rigging was done by night in complete secrecy. at 7:15 am, philippe took his first step on the high wire 1,350 feet above the sidewalks of manhattan...
james marsh's documentary brings petit's extraordinary adventure to life through the testimony of philippe himself, and some of the co-conspirators who helped him create the unique and magnificent spectacle that became known as "the artistic crime of the century."
[taken from man on wire website - http://www.manonwire.com/]
philippe's first steps between the towers. my heart was beating out of my chest. the suspense built during this film was fantastic!
his girlfriend at the time said from the sidewalk that it looked like philippe was walking on the clouds.
i'm so glad i took the time to watch this film. it is absolutely stunning and i was greatly affected by it. it's told in a truly exciting fashion - sometimes philippe gets so excited in the retelling that he's up and re-enacting the moment. he and his accomplices mention several times that this is something they would never experience again and to just enjoy it in the moment. philippe is a true artist, delicate and beautiful up on a wire. living his dream, walking in the clouds.
[sister, i think the kids would love this film.]
Thursday, February 19, 2009
i am shocked and appalled that michael was either the top male vote getter or the 3rd most votes. michael over anoop? no!!! it's down to tatiana and daniel! oh my goodness! who will it be? i know there will be a round of commercials...paula thinks danny should go through. i agree because i can't take tatiana any longer. oh ryan - after the break! america voted ... danny! thank god! holla back. let's see how dramatic tatiana is ... yep, there she goes. bawling while danny sings. i love it. so, alexis and danny totally deserve it, but michael? i still don't like it.
i hope next week's hopefuls bring it cause this week was a bummer.
how do you all feel about the new emliminaton system? you know they are bringing back the wild card, right? these people aren't out...right?
do any of you watch the real housewives...series on bravo!? well, i love the new york wives, but i recently got sucked into a real housewives of atlanta marathon. whoa, these ladies are hard core mean and stuck up. wow. i'm still wondering what sheree means when she says in the credits that people are "intimidated by my success." is her success sucking her ex-husband dry of his millions? she doesn't work. she claims she's a "fashion designer" however, she doesn't sketch, sew or know anything about the industry (i think i know more from watching project runway). she dresses well so she thinks she's a fashion designer. sheree is also so full of herself i can't even look at her. kim is delusional thinking she's a country music star when she can't even sing. and when i say she can't sing, i totally mean it. her boyfriend got her a session with famous producer dallas austin and his face was priceless when she started singing. she also dropped $18,000 on her kid's 12th birthday party. it's like a punch to the gut isn't it? she's divorced (of course) and dating somebody, supposedly famous, she calls big poppa. i hate that she is using the notorious b.i.g.'s name in vain. deshawn is married to eric snow of the cleavland cavs. he's on the brink of retiring. deshawn also had a charity event in which she raised almost zero dollars. yikes. she seems like a nice woman, actually. same with her friend lisa. she's an nfl wife and she didn't have enough drama to get much air time. her husband has just been traded to the oakland raiders after an injury. lisa wishes he would stop playing all together. then there's nene (knee-knee). she's actually my favorite wife. she's hilarious and speaks the truth. she's totally in tune with how ridiculous kim and sheree are (they are all at odds - kim used to be bff's with nene, then there was a fight between nene and sheree and kim decided to be mad at nene so now kim is bff's with sheree and hates nene...oh, high society, eh?) so, she's dealing with those two idiots at the same time that someone in her family wrote her a letter that said that the man she thought was her father, curtis, isn't her father. nene's mother is dead so she can't confirm. so they did what anyone on maury would do, a paternity test. it was shocking to her however, nene's cool with it. i'm curious if these women will get together for a second season.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
jackie...i was disappointed with jackie's performance tonight. i think she'll go through because she's likable, but i thought it kinda sucked. and her trousers? i agree with simon. hideous.
alexis...this chick totally killed it tonight. i wasn't sure about her, but she won me over tonight. i hope she doesn't let this go to her head and screw up next time.
anoop...dawg! i think he chose the wrong song, but he was solid. i think he'll go through, no problem.
stevie...oh boy. she was a total hot mess. oh lord. at first i thought the mic wasn't working, but then i realized she was just sucking. poor thing. she looked like a deer in headlights about to be a hood ornament. to add insult to injury all 4 of the judges raked her over the coals. it was rough to hear. the song and the comments.
brent...mr. rough and tumble didn't deliver. boring. boring. zzzzzz. oh, boring. sorry dude. back to the home depot.
rick...this was the guy i thought was the guy whose wife died. it's not and now that i see him, he doesn't look like him at all. he was ok. the song was a little boring and randy, kara and paula fell over themselves telling him how great he was, but i agree with simon. he was good but not that good.
casey...first things first. i hate when people who choose to cover a song and then take the liberty of changing the pronouns. the song is called 'every little thing she does is magic.' having said that, that sucked casey. i felt like i was on a cruise ship. the reviews should be scathing. when paula starts with "you look beautiful tonight..." you know you're in trouble.
michael...well michael, it wasn't bad. but it wasn't great either. just a little boring. will someone wow me, please?! this is the guy paula loves. she always has one guy she champions for.
ann-marie...perhaps this is why i didn't remember her. no bueno.
stephen...no, no, no! this guy sucks. they never should have let him through. he can't remember his lyrics. he butchered 'rock with you'. really. it wasn't good.
tatiana...she would sing whitney houston. i love how she stares into the camera. she's just so...aware. will someone please ask her to replace her current lipstick with something a little less offensive. well...it wasn't horrible.
daniel...watch out for danny. i can't imagine he won't make it to the final 4. he's the type of contenstant they search for. a story, a good voice, he's cute in that heterosexual way. paula? *deep sigh*
is locke dead? will they be able to bring him back once they get him back to the island via time travel? what about charolette? truly dead? where's claire (she was cute and that accent? yes!)? what about all of the people who have died on the island? what's to stop them from going back and saving them? see, it's a never ending circle once you start screwing with the past to try and change the future. it's scientific fact (ok, only in the movies and tv) that things happen for a reason and you can't change those things back once they've happened. oh, and when the island is revving up to time travel, i can almost feel that pressure building up in my head. i better not end up with a bloody nose sitting here on my couch.
another thing. is it wrong to have a weird fascination with ben linus? at first he really creeped me out - but now, i have, not a crush per se, but i love his character. is he bad? is he really trying to help the oceanic 6 or is he leading them into a trap? i can't wait to figure that one out.
i think i need to mention the top 36 on american idol. here they are in two categories, totally forgettable and totally memorable. you can see their pictures here.
who? what? where?
kristen - nope
ann marie - who?
jeanine - uh...
jasmine - i remember her face, but i'm not sure about the singing.
taylor - ...not recalling...
kai - again, i remember his face (mostly because he reminds me of sayid) but not his voice.
megan - where was i when they were picking?
casey - sorry i missed her. she's cute.
kris - um, uh, nope.
mishavonna - again, where was i?
jessica - meeeeooooow!
rick - i thought he was the guy whose wife died. oops. wrong guy.
allison - 2 l's huh?
ju'not - how can you forget a guy with this name? that's not a good sign.
matt - zoinks! i have no clue about this guy. i don't even remember his face!
oh, yeah, i remember them...
jackie - bluesy raspy voice. she's also sassy and different. i like that.
matt - i remember this guy because i don't think he should have made it.
stephen - this guy definitely shouldn't have made it. he walked off stage during his final performance.
lil rounds - yes! she will go far. she's the one me and randy think has a little mary j in her. she could win.
jorge - yes. this guy? hate him.
von - hate this guy too. too cheesy.
scott - the blind guy. um, i like this guy. i think he's actually quite talented.
kendall - she's got the face, but i can't recall the voice. how do these people think they will win if we can't remember them?
tatiana - you know you're annoying when irritate ellen degeneres. that laugh. ugh.
daniel - i busted this guys balls during auditions about his sob story (his wife died). he's only gotten better. his buddy (the guy with the pierced face) shockingly didn't make it. i thought he was more original than, say, matt or stephen.
nathanial - remember him during hollywood week? the crying. the whining. "i want this so baaaad!" wha-wha-wha. he'll bring the drama should he make it out of the first few rounds.
alexis - she's good but not solid.
alexander - he was the kid who sang for the very last spot. i was impressed. he's super dorky - sort of a josh grobin type.
felicia - she's the chick who is taking the place of the other chick who can't be in the competition because she's a professional singer. duh.
anoop - in the house! i adore this guy. he's adorable and cool and i think he's going to capture the hearts of america. (ha! i can't believe i just said that! but how can you not love a guy named anoop? i can already hear randy, "anooooop dawg!")
michael - well. this guy and matt were in a sing off together and they both went through. they both remind me of the guy who sings real good at the local tavern.
stevie - the girl that was named after stevie nicks. i thought she was good.
nicolas/norman - i was appalled that this guy got through. i mean, really. between him and tatiana my head might explode.
arianna - i thought she was sweet.
adam - he wears far too much make-up. it's distracting.
brent - you gotta have the "rough and tumble guy with the voice of an angel"*. meet brent.
there ya go. i'm curious to see how this goes. the most memorable to me were lil, jackie, anoop and daniel. tonight the real competition starts. let's see what these fools are made of!
*[i don't personally think brent has the voice of an angel but i bet paula has a hard on for this guy.]
Monday, February 16, 2009
my colored pencils
bose iPod docking station
season 6 of the l word (i will miss jennifer beals in a tank top and pj bottoms...)
diane's birthday playlist
kara the new judge on american idol [here is where i purr like a kitty]
the north face zip-up base layer
my vitamin d/anti-depressant cocktail
linda mlynski's hot tub
honesty & courage
stephen king's column in entertainment weekly
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
annette bening american beauty
janet mcteer tumbleweeds
julianne moore the end of the affair
meryl streep music of the heart
hilary swank boys don't cry
now this list is a who's who of amazing actresses. hilary swank, was of course, the winner that year for her stellar performance as a transsexual f2m whose love affair with a woman leads to his brutal murder. if you haven't seen it, it's an awful tragedy, but worth watching. i've seen all of these movies and each and every one of those ladies deserved that nomination, except ms streep. sorry. the role was unworthy. i'm racking my brain thinking there must have been someone else they could have nominated. i think she's just a fail safe. it doesn't matter if she's good or not. it's meryl streep. it's like they just couldn't find anyone else and they said, "well, meryl was in a movie this year..." in fact, she's nominated again this year for doubt. a record breaking 15 nominations! i find it fascinating that the reviews for doubt were not that great. it wasn't on many top 10 lists, yet it's got 4 acting nominations. i'm curious if any of them will win. one of the women, viola davis, is nominated for best supporting actress for 1 scene. 1 scene! she must have been good.
wow, i really went off on a tangent there!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
is the media and right wingers really busting president obama's balls because he chose 3 people for his cabinet that had some tax evasion problems? what? really? for the last 8 years our government stole from us, made billions of dollars at our expense and sank a trillion dollars into a war they manipulated us into! i mean it. i'm appalled.
what about my portland trailblazers? down 20? on the road? no problem. coming from behind and beating the new orleans hornets was quite a feat. it put them in sole possession of 4th place in the west. i know it's early for playoff hopes given we haven't even had the all-star break yet, but i think our guys need to feel that so they don't lose their drive. they want to win, they want to be in the post season. so do i. tonight, dallas. easily done. take care of them, guys. i'll be watching, of course. let's go blazers let's go!